As a little kid, I used to love to go to sleep with a fan heater running in my bedroom. Part of it was the noise, because I love ‘white-noise’, but part of it was the feeling of being really warm.
It used to drive my Dad nuts when he would come into my bedroom and see how warm it was. He would often complain that it was like a sauna, to say nothing about his constant grumbling about the electricity bill.
But for me, warmth was comfort, and almost a sense of security.
And I've been focusing a lot more recently on things that bring me comfort. As we continue to struggle through this pandemic, with all the restrictions and risks involved in that, I find myself becoming more ‘closed-off’ from people, less inclined to reach out, more willing to allow myself to slip into ‘hermit mode’, where I could easily stay in my own little world and not talk to anyone (other than patients of course. )
Because the less comfortable I find my life, the less I am likely to venture out into it.
And let’s face it – this virus has made us all less comfortable around each other. I had to ask the wife of a new patient to sit in her car rather than the waiting room the other day because she had a slightly elevated fever.
I have had patients reschedule for symptoms that previously I would have ignored. Strangely, the world we live in has become less welcoming and more encroaching.
Which shows up in the way that we feel at peace in our day to day world.
So I’ve been trying to do the things that I know will give me a sense of comfort and safety day to day, so that I can find peace in my own little world right now. Starting with staying warm, and meditating under my weighted blanket.
Also paring down my diet to the things that I know are good for me, and trying to take more of a sense of meaning and purpose in my simple routines like stir-frying broccoli, or doing the laundry.
I've found that focusing more deeply on the ‘mundane’ helps me to see just how much of my life is still the same, and unaffected by the world outside.
And while I miss the personal interactions that used to give so much light and meaning to my day, I’m instead trying to find ways to bring a little increased comfort to anything and everything I do.
Making the decision to wear a jacket when I would have just dealt with the cold is a way I can conserve my emotional energy, and taking the scenic route on a drive rather than the fastest route reminds me that I can still find beauty in the world, even though it feel cold and bleak sometimes.
Even sometimes sitting quietly, and doing nothing.
Which is actually harder than it sounds, at least for me. Over the last 13+ years of running my own business I’ve become so used to doing 2 things that once that it seems strange now to sit and watch a show without simultaneously ironing, or reviewing x-rays, or fixing something.
I listen to podcasts while doing yard work, or working on cars, or re-modeling the bathroom, or driving to work.
So for me, stopping doing ‘anything’ is hard.
But I think especially now, with all that is going on in the world, taking the time to focus on feeling secure, and calm, and warm is the most important thing we can do. It’s easy to lose our sense of self and balance in the midst of the madness.
And in the end, it’s your sense of self that will see you through.
I'm curious... what are you doing for yourself this season?
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings