You might not agree, but you can understand.
How do we ever find peace? There are some times when I get discouraged at the conflicts around me.
So many people who just can’t seem to find a way around their disagreements, because neither can find it in their heart to reach beyond the boundaries of their own interests, and allow that the other person may have an equally valid point of view.
And so they hurt each other, when they could try to find their way to peace.
Now please understand me here, I am fully aware that there are people in the world with whom you cannot find a balance, and I’m not talking about them. You know who they are, and they are to be pitied, but avoided.
One of my favorite mantras is that “you can’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm’, and there are some people who will just let you burn yourself to death, and it will never be enough.
I’m talking here about people who are normally reasonable, but who can’t seem to find a way to peace.
I’ve been trying to broker a peace between two people for a while now. It’s not that they are fighting, that would almost be better, but they are just not talking about something that is burdening their relationship.
Neither one is ‘at fault’; they are both goodhearted people, but they have found themselves in opposition over a situation that is causing them both pain.
Though neither intends it for themselves or for the other.
The sad part is that neither of them seem ready to initiate the process of peacemaking, both waiting for the other to reach out.
One because they feel deep inside that the other reaching out would be a sign of their depth of caring, and the other because they do not see a pathway through the pain and sadness that they feel would result from a discussion.
So neither of them starts the conversation, and the discord grows louder in the silence of their fears.
In truth, I know that this is a situation that is never going to be ‘all better’ for either of them, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t find a balance for the two of them to exist in.
Both of them need to understand that you don’t have to have agreement, or even the absence of pain, to find peace in a relationship.
You just have to have a willingness to find compassion for the other person, even if you are never to find common ground on the subject at hand.
Compassion doesn’t have to mean agreement, but it can mean that there is love in the presence of disagreement.
If you find yourself in a place of division with another, I ask you to see if you can at least understand why they feel the way they do.
You do not have to agree with their point of view, but if you can find it in your heart to reach compassion for how they feel, you may be able to find ways to balance the disagreement through caring conversations that draw you closer to each other.
We are never going to agree one hundred percent of the time, but we can be united in our desire to love in spite of our differences.
Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings