The hidden WHY to all that you do.
A friend of mine wrote a Facebook post yesterday about losing his temper. I guess it’s something that happens occasionally for him, but he felt bad, and was concerned that he had ruined a friendship that he valued because of his behavior.
I gently suggested that he try to figure out why he lost his temper, because if he understands that, he might be able to change the circumstances that caused the behavior.
His answer told me most of what I had already surmised, and nothing of any use.
He went on to describe HOW he lost his temper, by overanalyzing a situation and comparing it to previous experiences. While I commend him for his understanding thus far, I fear that he is completely unaware of the reasons behind his actions. And he’s not alone.
I have been there before, and will probably be there again sometime.
As I learn more about myself, I have uncovered some significantly uncomfortable feelings at the heart of all that I am. Feelings of insignificance, of craving certainty, of a longing for connection.
I understand that these feeling are not unique to me, far from it. But they do tempt me to act sometimes in ways that are not in alignment with who I am trying to be, and so I struggle against those temptations.
This even occurs when I’m writing these reflections.
I had a different reflection written for today, one that had a very different tone. While I feel that the message of that post is valid and necessary, I realized as I analyzed my feelings that I had written the piece out of a desire to make a point to someone who might read that message today.
Sitting quietly and listening to my soul, I knew that I had to write something different.
Because I owe you more than that.
In truth this work, which feels less and less ‘mine’ and more and more ‘ours’ with every passing day, is my way to try to serve you. As I sit here each night, I try to imagine us sitting quietly together, talking over our human problems.
I think of you, and my heart fills with appreciation for who you are, your presence in my life, and your kindness in commenting on the work each day.
All of us act sometimes out of that dark place in our mind that refuses to give up its secrets without a deep, introspective journey that forces us to confront our pain, our fears and our loneliness.
It doesn’t have to be something as foolish as losing our temper, or speaking a harsh word. It can also be in the failure to act, to say “I love you”, or to follow through on our dreams.
Our unconscious motivations are often born out of our deepest desperations.
Whenever you find yourself unable to explain why you acted a certain way, I invite you to sit quietly and see if you can uncover the truth behind the mystery.
Often these truths are hard to find, and ever harder to understand once we uncover them, but the greater you become aware of your hidden traumas and fallacies, the easier it becomes to remedy them.
If you desire peace, seek deeply in your heart, mind and soul.
It is there for your taking.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings