Searching for direction in a forest of questions.
I seem to have arrived at a place where there are no answers, nothing certain. The old trees of the forest of my life are losing their leaves, and new shoots are sprouting from the ground.
Whether these are from the seeds of the old trees, or new growth truths, I cannot tell. Each answer breeds new questions.
And I have lived long enough to know that it is how we navigate through our questions that ultimately charts our course, rather than the fixed point answers that we have used for aiming towards.
Our ability to chart a course through rough seas is a defining characteristic of this race that we belong to, yet I find myself becoming more comfortable in the absence of a sure direction, and in the presence of rough terrain surrounded by magnificent trees reaching into eternities.
I am beginning to find a strange adaptation of peace in the movement of conflicting, colliding concepts.
In my journey to find peace, I am learning to accept my own judgments rather than allowing the influence of others to force my opinions, and more importantly allowing myself to hold conflicting viewpoints, ideas, theories and positions.
As I become more of myself, and less the product of the influence of others, I need less absolutism, and more inquisitiveness. Less judgment, more compassion; less need to direct, and a greater desire to assist.
As I walk among the trees of truth, sensing their strength against the wind, the rain, the hail, the snow, the sun, the heat, and against time, I am reminded that although the tree has its roots, it is also reaching beyond that which anchors it, into the void absent of soil, yet from which its life and death can spring.
The very forest itself appears to be embracing life beyond its beginning.
The trees in the forest work together, yet each stands alone. So it is with questions and truths, blending, weaving, supporting and sheltering.
The presence of an oak does not threaten a redwood. The trees breathe together, as do my answers and my questions, offering me a different canopy of protection, while I try to find my way in this universe.
That I have more questions than answers will probably be upsetting to some, and I observe that fact without apology or arrogance. Some things just are right now. It is not to say they will always be, for I cannot yet see through the forest to determine my destiny.
I just know that I am on my journey and I do not feel that I have arrived at my terminus. Perhaps there will never be one.
But as I traverse this forest of questions, I hope that I bring my humility, my desire for truth, my compassion and my desire to serve through the darkness, and into the open field.
For no destination is complete without them.
Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings