It’s not about you, it’s me.
Yesterday I wrote about the need to disengage from people who can never get enough, and how you can metaphorically set yourself on fire trying to keep them warm.
Today I would like to write about the other side of that equation; when it is not about the other person, but about you.
In my quest for peace, I have tried to understand why some people bring out the worst emotions in me. Not that I allow it to show, but there are a few people that it just hurts to be around, because of my own weaknesses and insecurities.
One person especially just hits me in every aspect of my soul.
Please understand, this person has never acted towards me in a way that deserves reproach, censure or correction. Their conduct has been perfectly amiable.
Their effect on me is purely a result of my emotions, and even though I understand that it is my issue, that doesn’t necessarily change how this person makes me feel. It is enough to say that I do not feel peace in their presence.
In an attempt to understand why, I have been forced to bring my emotions into the realm of language, for that is how we eventually decode, process and make peace with our emotions.
Describing emotions is never easy, but it is so worthwhile.
In meditation, I have understood that this person represents my dreams for the future and my wishes of how the past could have been. This brings out both the angry child within me, and the scared adult who wonders if I will ever find my dreams fulfilled.
Every negative emotion that I seem to possess is brought to the fore when I am in this person’s presence.
And I realize that it is all me.
So I have decided that for my own protection, I will spend less time in the presence of this person. Not because they are destructive, but because my own peace of mind is valuable, and worthy of protection.
I have a responsibility to myself to manage my own emotional energy. It is also a necessary part of self care, which is something I struggle with.
My hope is that in a future day, I will achieve an internal balance sufficient to be in that person’s presence without feeling the way I do now.
The good news is that because it’s my problem, I have hope that I can find a solution.
Hope is a good thing. Hope shines through.
Hope is eternal.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings