You can’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
It is a sad truth that there are people in this world for whom nothing is ever enough. Like a black hole, they are cursed to wander through the world with a terrifying need, a thirst that can never be satisfied.
And although they are to be pitied, for theirs is never a peaceful existence, they are also to be avoided, because nothing you do will ever be enough for them.
Hence the mantra: you can’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
Sometimes we meet someone who has a wound in their soul that just never seems to heal. Like the hole in the bucket that will never allow the bucket to be filled, the soul wound prevents the sufferer from ever finding peace in their own heart. Whether it be biology or genealogy, nature or nurture, nothing you do for them will ever satisfy their need for more.
And at some point, you have to stop trying.
The good in you wants to make everything better, but sometimes you can’t. The kindness in you wants to reach out and give more of your time, love, dedication and effort, but it isn’t enough. It never will be.
And eventually you realize that you have given too much of yourself, and metaphorically ‘set yourself on fire’ in a desperate attempt to ‘keep somebody else warm’.
If you find yourself in this situation, this is my plea—and my permission to you—that it is time to scale back your efforts, and focus on establishing a balance that reverences your soul as well as theirs.
While you can still act with kindness, know that your first responsibility is to yourself. While you can still give of your time, you must balance their needs against yours.
For in the end, they are responsible for their own happiness, just as you are.
Today, find balance in your relationships, by taking care of yourself.
You are important, and your kindness and compassion must be lovingly cared for, but also carefully controlled.
You have worth, and are worthy of your own love.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings