My light creates my shadow.
All of us are born with gifts. Some are readily apparent, some only come to the fore after many years of struggle, and some we never quite seem to fully incorporate into our lives.
Also, each of us comes into this universe with our own capacity for darkness. I have struggled for many years to understand mine, and to overcome it.
Recently, I arrived at the understanding, that the very darkness that frustrates me is in fact fact a byproduct of the very gifts that strengthen me.
My creative mind, that allows me to write these reflections, also gifts me with a tendency very much like attention deficit disorder, which makes paying attention very difficult, and following through with simple but mundane tasks an absolute nightmare.
My improvisational mind, that allows me to think on my feet while talking in front of a room full of strangers, also creates a tendency towards anxiety when things are peaceful. It’s like my brain doesn’t know how to handle the quiet.
My gift with words and phrasing, when coupled with my gifts at reading the emotions that beset others makes me a compassionate and intuitive coach, but for many years in my young adult life this created a potential for sarcasm and cruelty that took effort to control.
My desire for deep introspection and learning gives me insights that allow me to share healing with others, but makes me a poor conversationalist around things that are more ‘everyday’.
For the longest time, I have seen my darkness as separate and distinct from the good side of me, and I criticized myself for it.
Only now, as I deepen my self knowledge, do I realize that this darkness is simply the reflection of all the good that I can do in the world.
And I understand that the greater level of peace I distill into my soul, the less the darkness in me will be a factor.
Capacity and capability do not determine our character; rather our choices and our compassion.
May you find a balance between your own light and darkness, and the peace to choose wisely.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings