Don’t change the behavior, change the person.
I’ve been there. Going into the new year with a list of goals; new behaviors to follow, old habits to break. We start the new year with so many ideas that we overwhelm ourselves and become lost in an ocean of decisions that we weren’t ready for.
Soon the pressure of so many things occurring brings us emotionally to our knees, and we fall back into old behaviors, sacrificing what could be for what we can do in the moment.
And our plans die for another year, lost in the ever present flow of time.
So this year, I would like to extend a different opportunity for you, one that might prove to be the difference you have been searching for. It’s not easy (in fact far from it) but it has helped me to find clarity and power when making changes in my life.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but in my experience the greatest changes of my life have all been that way. If you want to make changes that last, changes that can give you the emotional strength to actually follow through, you start by deciding who you are NOW, and live into that.
I know it sounds strange, but bear with me while I try to explain my madness.
It’s not about changing the behaviors of who you are, because that person has already lived the life you are trying to change. It’s about changing who you are into the person who will not do the things you don’t want to do, and into the person who will do the things that you want to do.
It’s about becoming a certain person, in absentia of all other people.
Becoming you for you, because of you, in spite of you. Not out of a desire to please others, but to please yourself. Not out of a desire to impress others, but out of a desire to impress yourself. Not to spite yourself, but to become the person you deserve to for yourself.
It’s not about becoming anyone else, but about becoming the best of who you are by your own definition. When you learn to define yourself by the person you wish to be, then you start to factor every action through a simple filter. Would ‘that’ person perform this action? Since I AM that person, how should I handle this decision?
It sounds so simple, but it’s worked for me.
It really starts by deciding who you want to be, and that can be hard because most of us can tell you who we don’t want to be, but have no idea who we want to be. When I did this process, I came up with a list that was kind of surprising, and yet it really resonated with who I am trying to become.
I’ll share it with you, even though that makes me nervous, in the hopes that you will be able to understand where I’m trying to get to.
My definition list came out as the following (in order of appearance on the list, not necessarily of importance):
Writer, Philosopher, Pilot, Philanthropist, Father, Husband, Guide, Friend, Doctor, Coach, Peacemaker.
Some of those I already am, and some of those I am trying to become. When I let those definitions guide me, I am able to find a different level of strength, a different quality of determination and a different motivation of desire.
And now I wonder, who are you… share with us in the comments if you feel brave enough. :)
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings