The Lesson of Danni.
Many years ago, I was blessed to have a chance to serve a group of severely disabled children. It wasn’t much in the way of service, just trying to help feed them, but it was also a chance to serve the people who tirelessly served them day after day.
It was an experience that seared my soul, and has remained with me ever since, all because of a 12 year old girl by the name of Danni.
She changed my life in a way I still find hard to express.
She was non-verbal, and did not have the coordination to feed herself, and so I would sit with her and offer her food on a spoon, which she would usually take without hesitation.
Although she was unable to communicate with me in words, her smiles and her body language spoke volumes to me. And after about 15 minutes of helping her, I was struck by a blinding flash of insight that rocked me to my very core.
Because she was, in her own way, flirting with me.
The moment nearly broke me. The cruelty of her afflictions cascaded upon me as I felt so much love and sadness for her. I knew she was unaware of exactly what she was doing, but in some place deep inside her mind, the woman that she could have become was reaching out through her afflictions, trying to connect with someone. Through my tears, I smiled back, and watched a smile wash across her face in pure joy and delight.
It still hurts me now, almost 25 years later.
Because at the end of our time together, I asked one of the people assigned to care for my new friend what her quality of life looked like in the future. What was Danni’s life going to be?
With a sad smile, one that spoke to me in a way I’ll never forget, the care worker told me that all the estimates for Danni were that she should have died 2 years ago, and that no one had any idea of how long she had left.
I walked out of that facility with tears in my eyes, and felt unworthy of this gift of life I had been given.
Because there are so many things I could be grateful for, and yet I struggle to be. My very existence and the wonderful wife who puts up with my many weaknesses and frailties. The sons who show me the nobility in their souls, that I might reach to emulate their goodness and kindness. The blessings of being able to share my thoughts and philosophies with you, and the kindness that you have shown me in your comments and messages.
It is unlikely that my friend and teacher Danni will ever have been able to receive most of these blessings.
Because I’m fairly confident that she will have passed on by now, and hopefully moved into whatever comes next to find something better than she received here. It pains me to consider her passing, and it fills me with a desire to try to serve more fully, to give of my life more freely, and to become a better person in all that I do.
Because I have been given the gift of life, of love and of freedom, and I owe it to Danni to live worthy of them.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings