The ‘So-What’ Jump
(#8 in a series of 10)
Two words, one sentence, endless possibilities, incredible power. I’ve used this on myself more than on anyone else, because it forces me to really dig deeper and understand my motivations in so many circumstances.
You have to be careful though, because it can seem like you are being cruel and heartless, when you are actually helping someone make an amazing change. It’s simple to use, but amazingly effective.
If you have the courage to truly understand it.
I use this when someone is locked in an emotional cycle. Maybe it’s being annoyed over the way they were treated, or at the loss of an opportunity, or even when they are trapped in a fear loop, building back upon itself until they are paralyzed with anxiety, not seeing the way out before them.
After they have finished their emotional rant, I wait for a moment, and then quietly, simply and kindly ask “so what”. What follows is usually a reiteration of their statement, so I challenge them again.
This is when I usually get a confused look and a different statement, telling me the same thing, but with a greater emphasis. So I ask again “so what”? By this time, they’re either confused or defensive, often both.
Then they start to see what I’m doing , and they’ don’t like it.
Because unless there is some physical injury to be dealt with, many of us spend so much of our time and emotional energy being focused on the ‘injuries’ to our emotions that we waste our chance to change.
Instead, we drink deeply from a chalice of complaining, believing that somehow we can force the universe into compliance if we just say enough things that highlight our pain.
Yet that ‘pain’ often comes down to something attacking one of our 6 human needs. Maybe we feel like we haven’t been given respect, which attacks our significance, or maybe we feel threatened because something could cause us pain in the future, thereby threatening our certainty.
These two are the most prevalent, and the most pernicious. And usually completely unnecessary.
Until I started using this jump on myself, I was caught in an endless, multi-year cycle of complaining about how badly I had been treated by a few select people. The complaining got me precisely nowhere, and I squandered years when I could have been progressing and developing into someone happier.
Once I applied “so-what”, I came to understand that their treatment of me was not holding me back, my own fears were. The realization that the only thing holding me back was myself was painful, yet even that pain was a threat to my sense of self significance.
And so what.
If you want to make this jump, I invite you to begin assessing all of your complaints and concerns with a simple ‘so what’, and see where it takes you.
Getting out of your own head, and getting into your power is the greatest jump, because it unleashes all of your energy, all of your power, all of your love and all of your passion.
Because once you filter things through the lens of ‘so what’, you’ll never see the same way again.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings