The Covenant of Compassion
Are you compassionate? I know, it’s a loaded question, because it goes right to the heart of your opinion of yourself. If you say yes, then you can relax in the belief that you are a good person, and if you say no, then you identify yourself as ‘a monster’, and who wants to do that?
So most of us reside somewhere in the middle, believing ourselves to be compassionate, while admitting privately in the dark corner of our soul that we could probably be more so.
But what about compassion for yourself?
This is where things get really difficult, because for so many, the concept of self-compassion strays dangerously close to the land of self pity, with its notions of weakness, laziness and self indulgence in our least empowering emotions.
Rather than ride the separation between self compassion and self pity, we find ourselves striving to ignore our own needs, telling ourselves to ‘deal with it’ and get on with things.
And we treat ourselves the way we would rarely treat another.
In denying ourselves the compassion we hope to give others, we force ourselves to suppress the emotions that we really should take time to examine, experience and expunge. Then, when we have worked through the emotional in its fullness, we can move forwards.
Instead of this, we bury our feelings deep, and distract ourselves with all the world, the internet, or the pantry has to offer.
We sow the seeds of a suppressed and saddened future when we fail to experience our emotions of today.
So I ask you to enter into a covenant with yourself. This will probably be harder than you would like to admit, but I feel it is so incredibly important. If you can master this one action, you can begin a process of changing your life in ways that you cannot imagine.
You begin by finding a quiet place for yourself, and bringing yourself into a state of compassion. How you do this may be very personal, but try to imagine the emotion of compassion flowing through you. Take a few deep breaths, and see yourself in your mind’s eye. Flood that image with compassion, kindness and understanding.
Then, when you feel love for the person who you see, bring to mind a painful emotion that you have experienced, usually something that is still hard to accept. It may be the breakup of a deeply intimate relationship, or the passing of a loved one, or a moment in your past that still hurts deeply today.
Now, while holding the image in your head, allow yourself to feel the emotion that hurts you in a place of safety, compassion and security. Allow the feelings to flow through you, and accept yourself within the compassion that you have exercised. Give space for the pain that you feel, without suppressing or stifling it.
Have compassion for yourself as you allow the passage of the painful emotion through you, that it may pass beyond you and free you from your burden.
This is a simple exercise to learn, yet a difficult one to master, and you may have to revisit an event or a memory many times in order to cleanse the wound, and clear your memory.
The more you practice the Covenant of Compassion, you will find your heart becoming more joyful as you lay to rest the difficulties that you carry, and allow yourself to become lighter, and full of light.
May you carry yourself in a covenant of compassion, and share what you have found.
May we enlighten the world together, and may your find peace on your journey.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings