Morning Reflection # 630: The Search for Your Actual Self

If you’re of a certain age, you probably remember a lot of cartoons as a kid where people would hunt for the treasure buried by pirates. There was always a map, with a big X marking the spot. Half of the time the X was actually in the wrong place, and the other half of the time there were dragons or crocodiles or some crazy thing guarding the way.

I guess I watched a lot of cartoons as a kid.

The funny thing is everybody wants the treasure. Not because they want to sit around counting their money, unless they’ve got a serious case of Scrooge McDuck-itis, but because they think that money will bring them happiness. Yet there are countless numbers of people who have “struck it rich” only to find that money didn’t change their underlying problems.

It turns out when you take away all the other challenges, that hole in your soul, that vacuum, just gets louder.

Because the real treasure in life is figuring out who you are. Sure, you’re an evolving consciousness, and who you are now is probably not who you were 20 years ago. But that’s okay, that’s how we’re supposed to be. But the problem is no one actually teaches you how to find who you’re supposed to be. We put kids in school for hours a day, weeks of the year, and we teach them everything but what’s really important.

How to find themselves, and live with that truth.

The really sad part is that there’s a whole industry of people telling you who you are. From preachers to marketers, CEOs to conmen, and all the influencers in between. There’s never been a time when there has been more people trying to make their money selling you “your authentic self”. They tell you what car to drive, what clothes to wear, what food to eat and what alcohol to drink.

Every single one of them, whether they know or not, is selling you a lie.

Because honestly the truth of who you are is up to you to discover. It’s a powerful but painful journey through the silent desert of your own soul. The entry fee isn’t measured in currency, but in your willingness to spend the time and the attention necessary. It also requires an incredible amount of self honesty, because you’ll find out things about yourself that are not pleasing

We all want to be the hero of our own story, but very few of us are willing to stand up and admit that we can be the villain as well.

The deeper you go into the journey, the more you find out about yourself. There’ll be days when it’s hard to look in the mirror, and days when you feel like you’re walking on air. The more you understand of yourself, the more everybody else begins to resonate. Yet at some point along the journey, there’s one single choice that you have to make before you go any further.

You have to sacrifice judgment of yourself, and then everybody else.

Because the grace you learn to extend to yourself for the multitude of screw ups that you’ve been responsible for is the same grace that you’ll end up giving to everybody else when you realize they’re just as human as you are. None of us are perfect; all of us are subject to the reality of being a mind trapped in a body, or a soul trapped in a sack.

Once you cross that threshold, you’ll finally begin to discover who you are.

Because it requires a great deal of time to figure yourself out. There are those of us out here trying to help, but in the end we can’t do the work for you. I can no more tell you who you are than you can tell me who I am. Both of us have to sit down, stop the world from spinning for a moment and do the hard work of listening to the quiet whispers of our souls, and figuring out what that all means.

It’s not easy, it certainly isn’t fun, but it’s the only way I know to really stop the hurting.

Because there are the moments when you find yourself, and you begin to resonate within. It’s like when an orchestra is tuning up, and 100 discordant sounds suddenly blend into one perfect tone. When you learn to listen to the music inside of your soul and you figure out how to get into resonance with yourself, then you can start to pick apart the puzzle of who you really are, and the more you know that, the more you’ll find peace.

Because once you become self resonant, you can exist in a world free of the need for anybody else.

Please don’t misunderstand me, that doesn’t mean you don’t have people in your life. It means you can have as many as you want, but they are there because you enjoy them, not because you can’t face yourself without them.

The journey to the center of your soul begins with the decision. The realization that you have to do this work because it’s the only way that you’re going to truly experience the joy and the thrill of being human. That realization is followed by the choice, the decision that will change everything going forwards.

When you decide to find out who you really are, is when you begin to take responsibility for your place in the universe.

And that’s really where the fun begins.

— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings