As a child growing up in 1970’s England, Paddington Bear was a part of my life. If you’ve never heard of Paddington, he’s a fictional little bear who comes from Darkest Peru, and is found by the Brown family on Paddington railway station in London. They take him home, and his curiosity and overwhelming kindness charm everyone he meets.
Of course, given that he’s a bear, and not a human, he gets into all sorts of calamities as he tries to navigate the world.
With his blue duffel coat, and his red hat, Paddington is instantly recognizable to anyone who knows of him. I had a Paddington pillow case growing up, and probably kept using it until I was well in my teens. My sweet wife actually found one for me this Christmas, and I’ll be honest and tell you that I shed a couple of tears when I opened that present.
Because Paddington stands for something more than just being a bear.
The character was actually based on Jewish refugee children from Europe who were sent to England for safety. The author of the Paddington books, Michael Bond, was moved when he learned of these children who had to leave their families to avoid the horrors of what was happening. In writing the character of Paddington, he combined childlike curiosity with the kindness and wisdom of a much older soul.
Because the real genius behind Paddington is that he looks for the good in people, and in doing so, he helps people find the good in themselves.
Which is (subconsciously) kind of how we raised our two boys. Having grown up with a sense that my issues made me less than, or unworthy, I was determined that my children would not feel that way about themselves. So when I caught my oldest child lying to me when he was 6 or 7, I didn’t tell him that he was a ‘bad’ kid, or go off into some long lecture.
I simply sat him down, and told him that he was much better than that.
I remember reading the story (I have no idea if it’s actually true of not) of a tribe of people who would take people who had committed some kind of an infraction out into a field, and for 2 days people from the village would come out to them and explain to the offender how valued they were, and remind them of all the good things they had done.
So instead of fearing punishment, the offender’ would come to see that what they had done was a violation of their own goodness, and would generally act accordingly in the future.
You’d be surprised how much of the work I do with people involves helping them see the incredible value of themselves when their identity has been lost under a lifetime of judgment and criticism. Through no fault of their own, the difficult situations of life had left them with the idea that they were unlovable, unworthy, and unwanted.
And when a person feels that way, they will act accordingly.
I recently had the opportunity to watch both of the recent Paddington movies. If you haven’t had a chance, please do yourself a huge favor and watch them. Yes they are technically ‘children’s movies’, but the first movie has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes (a website that reviews movies) and the second one got a 98%. It turns out that people were so upset about the not 100% rating that unkind things were said about the people who gave it less than perfect ratings.
A behavior which I’m pretty confident Paddington himself would not have approved of.
It’s tough being a human being sometimes. We have days where things go wrong, and where it feels like the whole universe is against us. From our own mistakes as well as the mistakes of others, life can make us feel bad about ourselves, and everyone else. It’s in those times that I try to remember a little lost bear from Darkest Peru, who despite being lost and alone, never stopped looking for, and finding, the good in everybody.
Because if we spend enough time looking for the good in others, maybe one day, we can see the truth about the good inside of us.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings