Overcoming the Greatest Fear in the World.
Do you struggle with this fear – I’m guessing you do. It’s not everybody’s number one fear, which is dying, but I think this is the greatest in terms of the most prevalent on a day to day basis.
It’s experienced by almost every person on the planet, and drives many of our decisions, and thereby many of our actions. This fear restricts and regulates so much of what we do, or say, or even think.
It’s hardwired into our brains, and will work against us, unless we take the time and the steps to overcome it.
From my perspective, in the work I do with people, their most frequent fear, the one that impacts their life more frequently, is simply the fear of the negative judgment of other people.
It could be a spouse, or a parent; a child or a friend; an employer or an employee. It could even be the possibility that someone you’ve never even met could look at you in a way indicates their sudden negative opinion of you.
And for some people this is paralyzing.
In school I had to take a speech class. As someone who has never really struggled with speaking in front of others, I was amazed and somewhat bewildered to see people having anxiety attacks, hyperventilating and nearly vomiting over the idea of standing up in front of other people and talking.
It occurred to me that their fear wasn’t about the actions they had to perform, but the opinions that others could hold of them after they had done it.
And the fear of the negative opinions of others is hardwired into our brains.
Because if enough people around us hold a negative opinion of us, then we can become isolated, ostracized and left out of the pack, defenseless and vulnerable.
While it isn’t really a huge risk for us these days, our brains still act as though it is, and we can experience the emotional pain of fear and an unrelenting sense of shame, unless we decide to do something about it.
Until we decide to put our own opinion first.
Because most of us don’t spend the time, or the energy, to really formulate and solidify our opinion of ourselves. We allow the thoughts, ideas and opinions of others to determine our self worth, leaving us open to pain and manipulation when we could be listening to their thoughts and opinions, unencumbered by an emotional reaction.
When you are secure in your opinion of yourself, you can observe the opinions of others without reacting to them.
I don’t mean to make this sound easy, because it isn’t, but so often when I teach people that they can rely on their own opinion, and that it is possible to find peace within yourself and with those around you, people look at might with disbelief and a certain level of discomfort. Being your own source of acceptance flies in the face of all that we have been taught.
Because it made us easier to control, and more likely to conform.
So today, I ask you to consider what your opinion of yourself is really like, and to decide if you have made peace with the person who you see in the mirror.
If not, ask yourself if it’s time to really take a good look at who you are, and begin walking the path to knowing, owning, loving and accepting the person who you have become, and are yet still becoming.
The pathway to peace begins when you start learning who you really are.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings