Realign
Do you ever get that feeling that your life is out of alignment. Everything is still somewhat the same, but at the same time it’s not. It’s like that feeling you get when you know you’ve forgotten something, but you can’t put your finger on exactly what that is.
You have the strangest sensation that you are supposed to be some other time, some other place, some other life. Like your reality is in the midst of a transition, and you’ve left where you can no longer be, but you’re desperately trying to figure out the destination.
And sometimes the past keeps trying to drag you back.
It’s comfortable, yet confining. It’s familiar, yet fails to resonate with your soul. It’s understood, but underwhelming. Sure, moving back to where you were might feel good for a while, but eventually you’ll come back full circle to the very same problems that made you want to move on in the first place.
So you realize that going back is probably not your destination, but where to go forwards?
It helps if you have a concept of the place you wish to end up in, but that can often be a description rather than a clearly defined destination. Maybe you’re looking for the intersection of authentic and uplifting, right around the corner from loving and kind.
But sometimes, all you know is that here is no longer the place you can feel at home, so you walk out into the universe…
With only your soul to guide your journey.
I’ve been working on a transition for a while now, trying to discover the truths deep inside of me, that have been buried under fears and familiarity. I only have faintest idea of where I am going, and some days even that seems to fade out of view completely. When that happens, I try to focus on the next step, and the next, and the next.
Because life rarely comes with directions, but occasionally, the universe leaves breadcrumbs.
As I consider this move, this next transition in my life, I realize that I have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable; accepting that not having all the answers is in itself an answer from a universe that is generous with its questions, while being parsimonious with its solutions.
If I wait to know everything, I will never progress beyond where I am, and will end up buried under the weight of broken dreams, full of regret and remorse.
So forward I move, each step into the darkness a personal statement of faith, and trust.
Trust in myself, that I can forge a future from the detritus of dreams and desires. Trust in the goodness of others who will show up on my journey to guide and give counsel.
Trust in even the very concept that this is a future to align myself with, and most of all, trust that I can overcome my weaknesses and failings as I seek to serve others on the pathway of purpose with which I am trying to align myself.
Realignment, I have found, is not easy.
But they tell me nothing worthwhile ever is.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings