What Do You Really, Really Want?
Suppose you woke up tomorrow morning and found that some relative you barely knew had died and left you a large amount of money. Let’s say $100,000,000 for a nice round number.
How would you feel about that…excited, scared, ashamed of having more than somebody else, grateful, determined to use it for good? They’re all totally valid and acceptable feelings, and the chances are that you would probably experience all of them in a pretty short space of time.
But the money is not what you want.
You don’t think so – let me ask you this. Suppose I gave you $100,000,000 but you could never spend it, nor borrow against it. You would have it, but could do nothing with it.
Pointless right.
Which just goes to show that’s it’s not the money you want, but the things you think you can do with the money. But ultimately, it’s not even about the things you would get, or do, or see.
It’s about the feelings that you think you’ll experience from the having, the doing or the seeing.
As humans, we are all about the emotional states that we feel. I have a fun practice with patients in my office whenever they say “I’m fine”. I teach them that fine is not a state or a condition, but an acronym. F.I.N.E stands for frustrated, irritable, neurotic and emotional. :) It’s actually a joke between Holly and me, because whenever a woman says she’s FINE, she’s probably in one if not all four of those states.
So our emotional state determines the quality of lives, but when we are craving an emotional state, it’s a sign that we are really feeling a deficit of one of our needs.
What did you think of when I mentioned the $100,000,000 earlier? If you thought about paying off your mortgage, chances are you are looking for more certainty. If you thought about an exotic vacation, what you’re craving is variety.
If you thought about using the money to learn a new skill, then you’re focused on growth. If you wanted to buy new clothes, or ‘get some work done’, then you are probably craving significance, which you hope will lead to connection.
The states you crave are your pathway to peace, passion and power over yourself.
This is why I help people become aware of their instincts, their reflexes and their desires. Because the truth of who you are is found in the whisperings of your subconscious, when everything else is quiet, and you can spend time alone with your soul.
Until you learn yourself, you can never heal yourself, and ultimately come to love and accept yourself.
I truly, deeply, madly and passionately believe that the way we improve our world is by giving people the three things that they need now more than ever. Firstly, the unconditional love to allow them to risk being themselves.
Secondly, the tools of understanding so that they can diagnose their own trauma and injuries. Thirdly, the assistance of listening, and guiding them to heal themselves, and find peace.
Because the person who has not peace in their soul cannot spread it abroad to another. Only when we truly move into a place where our needs are fulfilled can we give without transaction, love without taking, and heal without hurting.
When we are sufficient in our needs, we need not from others.
And then the world will know peace.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings