Don’t “Start With Why”.
That probably goes against everything that you’ve been hearing lately. There’s even an author and speaker who’s made a lot of money on the concept, and I think he’s a really good guy, but missing a step.
It’s not that his advice isn’t good, but blindly rushing out to follow your ‘Why’ without understanding it can be a sure way to find unhappiness and a loss of motivation.
First you must heal your Why before you follow it.
‘How can my Why be sick?’ you ask, and I’ll grant you, it’s a strange concept, but just hang in for a moment, and I think you’ll understand what I mean.
All of us are a product of many different things; our time (the generations in which we live), our upbringing (how much or how little our parents imprinted their beliefs onto our psyche), our needs (the way your personality is wired in your brain) and most especially our traumas (the experiences of our lives that have left us with wounds on our souls).
And our Why is often the combination of these as well.
Imagine a woman who doesn’t really want to have children, yet the time and the faith that she is born into impresses upon her that her road to happiness is found through the bearing and rearing of children.
Left unhealed, her Why may be corrupted to believing that she needs to have children, despite the inner whisperings of her soul. So she gives up her career, and finds a growing sense of discontentment and unhappiness, because she was not following her true Why.
And if you think I’ve made that up, believe me, there are many more where that came from, and a lot that are worse.
So how do you start the process of healing your Why? It begins by understanding the truths of what motivates us to do anything. If I were to ask you to name your 5 biggest goals, could you do that, and more importantly, could you tell me ‘Why’ it’s your goal?
What do you hope to achieve from achieving this goal; what emotional states are you looking to arrive at; and what filter of reality translation are you going to use to get you there?
I know, that’s a lot to take in isn’t it? 🙂
But there’s nothing more important in your life than to make sure that the ‘Why’ behind the goals you are seeking is truly, completely and incontrovertibly yours, and not infected with the desires of those around you, nor corrupted by the traumas that have beset you.
In saying that, I don’t intend to judge or assign blame to anyone. I honestly believe that the majority of people are good, kind, and honest at heart, even though they may be acting in a manner pathological to others because of the wound that they carry within them.
The chances are, they are carrying a Why that is not healthy, for them, nor the people they come into contact with.
So today, I invite you to begin the process of trying to understand your Why, and delving deep into your soul to find the truths that matter to you. I truly believe that the more you come to understand and heal yourself, the greater your happiness will be.
Once your Why is whole, you can follow it with all your heart.
Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings