Threshold.
Tomorrow it all changes. As I sit here tonight, my fear about tomorrow is palpable, and yet so is my excitement.
They blend together in a strange mixture of anticipation and dread, joy and terror, happiness and sadness, peace and anxiety. I know that after tomorrow, I will have either succumbed to my fear, or broken through it.
And either one will change me.
I’m going flying tomorrow, in a plane that is so small that it defies my understanding. It’s called a ‘discovery flight’, and it will be my first time in anything quite so small. I used to be terrified of flying in anything, so this is a huge test for me.
While the logical part of my brain accepts that it is safe, the anxious part screams that what I am doing is dangerous, foolhardy and unnecessary. So, like the time I went skydiving, I’m going to face that fear square in the face and do exactly what brings me terror.
In the understanding that only by crossing the threshold can I become who I want to be.
Because terror, and its less intense but often more pernicious friend anxiety, are the things that hold back so many of us from enjoying a life of deep purpose and intense meaning. The fear of rejection, the fear of self disgust, the fear of embarrassment, the fear of loss.
Each of these has robbed each of us in some way, denying us of our chance to experience life at its fullest and to give back to the universe by following our purpose.
So tomorrow, I do what I do not only for me, but for you.
Because I want you to understand that you are stronger than the voices in your head that hold you back. Strength, resilience and power are not some soul alchemy granted to a few, but they are there to be claimed and wielded by anyone who has the awareness to push past their programming, and face their fears moment by moment, day by day.
And I believe you are strong enough to overcome that which holds you back.
So I do what I am going to do in full knowledge that I will be scared. So be it. I am doing this because each day is not a guaranteed promise of more time, and because time spent without a meaningful life is the greatest tragedy that can befall any of us. There is nothing that can take away the pain of regret when the opportunity to live a full life has passed us by.
So I mean to take this chance to do something that means more to me than I can express.
My hope is that I will break through more than just one fear tomorrow, and that I can go forward to do the things that I believe I am capable of, and find a greater sense of meaning in my life then I currently feel.
I hope that I can inspire you to do the same.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings