The dichotomy of self awareness.
Who are you? I know it’s a strange question to ask, but a lot of the work that I do in coaching and helping people with their problems really comes down to introducing them to the truth of themselves.
What makes self-awareness so difficult is that we usually require input from others so that we can see the things that are hidden from ourselves; often the very behaviors and beliefs that are causing us problems.
Because there are many things about ourselves that we are blind to.
We don’t see them because they are so natural to us that we don’t even question such a belief or behavior. I was in a meeting many years ago where a man in authority over me tried to offer guidance in a situation, but because I was over-sensitive I took his statement to be a personal attack.
He actually stopped the meeting and looked at me and gently said “I’m not attacking you, I’m trying to help you”.
And I realized that I was reacting not to what he said, but to my interpretation of what I was hearing.
It’s been many years since that meeting, and I hope I have come to understand many more things about myself and the reasons that I react the way I do. Although understanding is never enough, it’s a good place to start because it gives us a direction to move in, and hopefully allows us to change our behaviors along the way.
Yet to understand the deepest truths, we have to become very observant.
Both to who we are, and to how others react to us.
Not all actions that hurt us are intended to do so, but it may be the way we are interpreting that action based on our wants and our wounds. The way that others treat us can become a road map to truths about ourselves, if we are willing to follow the truths to the ultimate reality of where they lead.
This is often a very valuable exercise, especially when people are treating us in a way that surprises or hurts us.
Because then you can read not only the reasons for their actions, but your reactions to their actions.
Which takes a lot of practice, but is so incredibly revealing.
The more you come to understand why other people act the way they do, you also realize that you probably act that way for the very same reasons. Do it long enough, and you’ll discover that the core of our problems are very similar.
Yes, there may be a different twist to your problem instead of mine, but they usually come back to the same root causes.
But you’ll never know that until you learn to see yourself in others, and see others in yourself.
So today, I challenge you to consider the actions of those who have played a significant role in your life, for good or bad, and see if you can understand what lead to those behaviors.
Was it a desire to serve, or a need to destroy? Did they desire a greater sense of connection, or were they possessed by a desire for revenge.
Come to understand your friends and your ‘enemies’ better, and you will see yourself in all of them.
And begin treat them as you would treat yourself.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings