The unequal exchange of energy.
One thing I try to teach my coaching clients is the rule of an equal exchange of energy. Simply put, we are all beings of energy. Sometimes that energy is in the form of time, sometimes it’s in the form of money, sometimes love and friendship.
The deeper you dive into the universe, the more you realize that energy has a role in everything at some point.
Matter is energy, caring takes energy. Life itself is energy.
Like all things, energy can be exchanged, almost traded like a commodity.
You see this in healthy relationships, especially in a good marriage where the partners both give and receive energy as necessary, so that they grow together and are there to lift each other up, and replenish the other’s energy just by being with them.
And in a healthy relationship, be it a romantic relationship, a friendship, a business partnership or even a sibling relationship, there is an equal exchange of energy between the parties, almost a symbiosis.
These relationships are the backbone of our lives, and help us to survive the roller coaster of a constantly changing world.
Unless the relationship become unhealthy.
Because sometimes you find yourself in an unequal exchange of energy. I see this a lot in romantic or familial relationships, where one party in the exchange is constantly giving more energy, and the other party isn’t giving very much at all, or maybe they are taking energy without thinking about the imbalance in which they are participating.
Often the person who is giving more than they are receiving is doing so out of some misguided and unfulfilled need that controls their actions. I’ve seen so many examples of this that I’ve lost count.
All of us have needs, and where we stand on the fulfillment of that need can distort the very lenses we see the world through, causing us to remain in a relationship where there is not an equal exchange of energy.
This happens very often to people who were raised in a difficult environment; where their emotional needs were either ignored, neglected or unfulfilled.
As they move into adulthood, they form emotional attachments that are intrinsically unbalanced, as they seek to fill their deep, unmet needs for significance, connection, certainty and love.
Over time, the person gives and gives of their energy, always trying to fill the hole in their soul with attention from the outside, not knowing that the hole can only be healed from within.
I challenge you today to see if you are in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, where there is not an equal exchange of energy. It may be a relationship where you are always the one reaching out, yet the other person only reaches out when they need something from you.
Or maybe a relationship where the others person’s needs always end up being more important than your own.
If you find yourself in this position, I implore you to inquire within your own mind, to find out what need you are trying to fill that is making you accept such an unequal exchange of energy.
Because no unbalanced exchange will last forever. It must either be balanced, or it will eventually break itself apart.
Discover yourself, and find balance.
—Dr.Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings