You can’t change what you don’t understand.
Recently, there’s been a discord in the relationships of friends of mine. People who have been married or together for years suddenly calling it quits, separating, and going their own way.
People who looked like they should always be together were instead choosing to live apart from someone with whom they had shared time, life, love and sorrows.
In each of these cases, there were signs for the seeing, if you knew how to look.
Yet I found that in each case, the people in the relationship were either unable or unwilling to try to understand the thoughts and actions of their partner, and after a certain point, they just didn’t care enough to try to salvage what was left.
I’m not saying it was their fault, or their partner’s fault, or anyone’s fault. I try to stay out of the blame game as much as possible, because it doesn’t lead anywhere that helps.
But in each of these cases, there was one constant that seemed to weave its way through the tapestry of trauma that led to the ruin of a relationship.
One simple (yet difficult) step that could have changed the outcome, if only someone had taken a step in their own life to go beyond the surface, and truly understand what the cause of all their troubles were.
If only, if only, they had taken the time to know themselves, and find out why they were acting the way that they were.
If only they had become self aware.
My own journey through self awareness has taken 30 years, and it’s only in the last 10 that I’ve made the breakthroughs that have allowed me to understand why I act, think and feel the way I do.
In that process of self discovery, I’ve had to face many hard truths, and I continue to live through the process of awareness, uncovering each new layer with fear and courage.
I hope it has made me a better husband, a better father, a kinder friend, and a more compassionate coach.
I hope it’s achieved something, because it has not been easy, and I still struggle every day with the consequences of choices I made when my awareness was not as focused as it is today.
I would spare you that struggle if I could, for it is not easy.
Today, I ask you to look at the relationships in your life, and ask yourself why you, and the person on the other side of that relationship, act and react the way that you do.
Try not to judge, to blame or to accuse, but simply try to understand the deep subconscious motivations, and how their actions impact you.
The more you understand yourself, and those with whom you interact, the greater chance you will have for finding peace in this world.
Ask why, and then listen for the answers to come from deep within you.
You’ll be surprised at the answers you’ll find when you surrender your judgment in the cause of understanding.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings