The Philosophy of a five-year old :)
Do you struggle with your inner toddler? If not, I admire you, because even though I keep him on a tight leash, he’s there inside of me, just waiting to come out and play.
Well, it’s not play exactly, it’s more like throwing a little personal pity party somewhere between my ears and just behind my eyes, or focusing on my feelings while ignoring everyone else’s.
And oh gosh, it feels so good for a few minutes, when he climbs over the gate of my frontal lobe and wreaks havoc with every part of my psyche.
Because the toddler never has to make a moral decision, or care about the feelings of others, or even consider the consequences of his words. It’s kind of freeing, in a narcissistic/sociopathic kind of way.
The toddler just thinks what he wants, and on days when I’m too tired, and my brain is slower than it should be, the toddler occasionally gets control of my vocal cords for a short amount of time.
I’m never proud of what happens next, although I will admit that sometimes his sarcastic little one liners are kind of funny, until you realize that they are never funny and kind.
Because the toddler in me isn’t kind, or mature, or compassionate, or caring, or any of the other values of human nature that I aspire to, while constantly falling short. The toddler is all about himself, so I try to keep him inside as much as is possible. He hates that :)
Recently, I’ve begun having conversations with him. I know, that sounds kind of crazy, but I think it’s an interesting way to allow me to converse with my subconscious a little easier.
Because our subconscious is kind of like a pre-verbal version of us. It sees in images rather than words, emotions rather than logic, and self-preservation rather than altruism.
He also tells me the things I’m trying to ignore.
Like why a certain person really annoys me (because the 5-year old feels threatened by their success) or why I’m not doing something I know I should (because I want to have fun and laugh and play in the sprinklers rather than doing boring grown up paperwork).
Maybe it’s sign that I’m losing what little sanity I have remaining, but it’s honestly been kind of refreshing to think of my subconscious as a 5-year old, because it helps me to stop judging myself so much.
After all, a 5-year old would think some things are funny that grown up me might be ashamed of thinking.
5-year old me wants to watch funny videos on the internet all day.
The longer I talk to the five-year old inside of me, the better balance I am able to create within my soul. Maybe it’s crazy, but I’m learning to understand myself better and also find peace from some parts of my soul that have previously been too afraid to come out.
Do you have a 5-year old inside of you? If so, what are they saying?
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings