How do you know if you are any good?
I think most of us at some time in our lives struggle with the concept of our personal value. Am I a good person; do I bring anything of value to humanity; do people like me for who I really am; will I be missed when I am gone?
The truly sad part is that we often fall into the trap of trying to ascertain our sense of worth by how we match up to others, and by what others think of us.
When coaching with a client, I try to understand what I call their ‘judgment susceptibility’. That is the percentage of their personal opinions (especially of themselves) that are based in the views of others.
Unless you have a diagnosable mental illness (psychopath, sociopath, narcissist) we all take the opinions of others into account, but for us to be healthy, the predominant opinion that shapes our self value has to be our own.
Which is a real problem if our opinion of ourselves is not good.
A good friend of mine struggles with this a great deal. As a child, she had a domineering mother with a very forceful personality, and felt a significant need to ‘be’ the person her mother wanted her to be.
Even though my friend’s mother is a good person, the pressure she inadvertently placed on my friend created a feeling of ‘never being good enough’ that still persists in her heart and soul to this day.
This ‘negative self opinion’ creates within my friend a susceptibility to perceive anything positive in the life of someone else as a judgment against her, reinforcing her ‘self belief’ that she is of little or no worth.
This is a terrible state to live your life in, as it can seem that the entire world exists primarily to point of your deficiencies, inadequacies and lack of value.
Can you imagine how difficult a life that can be to lead?
The only way I know to bring someone out of that negative self opinion is to help them achieve things that they can take a sense of value from. While I ultimately try to help them see that they have value just by being a sentient consciousness, I find that it is necessary for them to achieve a stable good opinion of themselves before they can ultimately move into a enlightening awareness of who they really are.
So if you ever feel bad about yourself, I invite you to change your opinion by deciding on something that you CAN do, that you believe has value, and then set about DOING it.
Even something small can ignite a fire in your soul as you begin to understand the truth about yourself that has long been hidden from view.
A good opinion of yourself can only come from respecting yourself, and self respect comes when we do the things that we feel are worthy of respect. You can’t talk yourself into a good self opinion. That comes from doing, and being.
Be you. You might be surprised how wonderful you are. :)
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings