Why do we want?
My son gave me permission to write this after we just shared a moonlight conversation on our back patio, and I really wanted to reflect on the truths we shared, and then share them with you.
He is a serious Lego collector, not just someone who plays with Lego, but a creator, a curator, a designer, an artist. He brings to life the most wonderful things, because he is able to see in his beautiful mind images and concepts that most of us can’t, and never will. He’s that gifted.
Yesterday he spent $100 of his savings buying a huge Lego kit of a Saturn 5 rocket. It stands over 3 feet tall, and is beyond incredible to see and handle. I was overjoyed to see him obtain something that truly moved him, and hoped he would find joy in it.
But within a few hours, he was already planning his next purchase.
As he explained to my wife Holly his goals for the next acquisition, I looked at him in puzzlement, and asked him truthfully, “you just got something amazing, but now you are onto your next purchase…. Where does it end?”.
He stopped, looked at me and turned away. I was concerned that I might have been too forthright, but I felt it was the right thing to ask.
He retired to the back patio, sitting under the moonlight. I gave him a few minutes, and then pulled up a chair next to him. I wanted to make sure that I hadn’t hurt his feelings, and was ready to apologize if I had been harsh. He looked at me, and simply asked one question…
“Why do we want?”
I knew at that moment that no apology was needed, because in his own wonderful, inspiring and absolutely brilliant way he had moved to the heart of the question. Not for him was the solace of self pity over my poorly chosen words, or the refuge of anger at what could have been taken as a personal attack.
He did what he does so many times, going to the very heart of the problem with a deep desire to understand and grow beyond.
And so a conversation ensued. I explained that we ‘want’ to fulfill a need that we may not understand that we have. We discussed our needs for certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth and contribution. In a conversation lasting approximately 45 minutes we went deep into our hearts as we shared profoundly powerful, deeply intimate truths of our soul.
I explained that the goal of the Buddha was to reach personal enlightenment, and find within himself a peace that eliminated want, by having his needs either balanced or rendered irrelevant by his depth of understanding and perspective.
I shared with my son my desire to strive eternally for that peace, and to find myself not wanting, not expecting, not transacting, but to live in state of profound gratitude for the blessing of being. Not being something, but intensely thankful just to be.
He listened, he understood, he shared wise counsel with me, and I learned from him. I am so blessed to have a son who is a wiser, kinder, more humble, more serving and more giving person than I think I will ever be. He is my guide and my compass.
I often think to myself “how would Jared handle this”, and then I try to do that. It’s never steered me wrong.
I may be his father, he may be my son, but in the spiritual realm I am his student, and he is my teacher.
And I am so grateful for him.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings