Your opinion is the only one that matters.
Have you ever had someone try to praise you, or say nice things about you, and you immediately made some remark that either downplayed what they said, or said something that was negative about yourself? It’s like a reflex, something so ingrained into you that someone else’s good opinion is irrelevant.
The truth is, until you feel about yourself they way they talk about you, you’re always going to feel the urge to refute someone’s good opinion of you.
Because your opinion of you is ultimately the only one that matters.
I’ve struggled for so long trying to find some semblance of self esteem, a kinder way of looking at myself, and a better balance to the constant question that I ask…
Am I a good man?
And over the last couple of years I’ve come to realize a truth that has allowed me to move forward. That is that if I want to have a better opinion of myself, I have to do things that I can feel good about.
Losing 140lbs in 18 months made me realize that I am not as weak as I thought I was. Skydiving, even though I was absolutely terrified, made me realize that I am braver than I thought I was. Writing these reflections, and being willing to have people read and comment on them helped me to realize that the last 30 years of trying to become a better person have yielded some improvement, and that I am slowly becoming a better person.
In truth, if you want to feel better about yourself, you have to do something that you can feel good about. Not something small, or easy, but something hard, something terrifying, something that requires every ounce of your courage, your hope and your dreams.
Putting your dreams out there, and knowing that you will still be you even if they are crushed beyond repair is the bravest action I can imagine. I am still struggling to get better at that.
When you do something that impresses yourself, you begin a journey along a pathway where the opinions of others become less and less important, and your own self knowledge and acceptance becomes your foundation and your rock.
If you want peace in your soul, you have to achieve it through struggle, through hardship and through a determined desire to become the person you always dream of being.
The only way I know to feel better about yourself is to give yourself reasons to like yourself.
Today I invite you to challenge yourself, and do something that will allow you to look at yourself differently.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings