Drowning in need.
The reason behind our deepest actions always seems to come back to one of the 6 human needs. The further I progress in meditation on those needs, I find a greater appreciation for their importance and a deeper concern over how we manage our needs, and the needs of others.
I was blessed in the past to work with a client who was struggling with a teenage daughter.
Some years ago, my client was involved in a difficult divorce, and the young daughter took the separation from her other parent very hard.
As the daughter grew into a teenager, she became increasingly rebellious and paid little attention to her school work. She had a quick temper and was disrespectful. Frustrated, my client sought a solution.
After some thought, I realized that my client was trying to define a course of action for the teenage daughter based on my client’s interpretation of the daughter’s needs, rather than the actual needs that the daughter was experiencing.
In truth, the separation of her parents had affected the young girl very deeply, and as a result, she was extremely lacking in certainty, significance and connection. Her teenage mind was unable to see past her current pain, and act in ways that were best for her in the ‘long term’.
Her current actions, which were so frustrating to my client, were her own attempt to reduce the pain that she was feeling now.
She was not concerned about potential pain in the future when she was desperately hurting in the present.
To use a metaphorical analogy, the daughter was drowning in the ocean, and my client was trying to get her to put on a wetsuit to avoid getting cold.
How many of us are unaware of our own needs, and are in essence “drowning”, but unable to clearly define the pain that we feel?
In my journey into self awareness, I have reached deeper into my soul and sought these answers. This has allowed me to help others, and while I regret that I have experienced some of the things that have occurred in my life, I am able to realize that in learning of myself, I can apply that knowledge to serve others.
That is my joy, my passion and my purpose. Serving and helping others creates a sense of serenity that meets some of my deepest human needs, and satisfies them in a way I had not anticipated.
If you are hurting today, or feel that something is missing in your life, I invite you to meditate on your needs and see if you are able to identify areas that you can address.
If you are struggling with the actions of a another who is hurting, may I suggest that you listen to them, and try to see the world from their perspective. Finding a balance between the two of you starts with understanding their point of view, and respecting their humanity, even if it is not what you want to hear.
The first step on the road to peace is awareness. I will write more about the next step soon.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings