The Thoughts You Call Home.
There’s somewhere you probably live quite often, sometimes without even realizing it. It’s always there, ready for you to move in any time you like. The rent is free (but terribly expensive), and you’ll never have to leave if you don’t want to.
Best of all, it’s comforting and soothing, and you’ll always feel like you belong. You can build it anyway way you desire, and it will justify all of your emotions.
A simple little place called “Your Emotional Home”.
The concept of an ‘Emotional Home’ is not one I came up with, but from the moment I heard it, the truth made perfect sense to me. As I reflected on my own emotional home at the time, I realized that the foundation was made up almost entirely of self pity.
I had built some of that home out of feeling like a victim, and some out of a sense of entitlement. The roof was made of a sense of superiority, and the garden was row upon row of excuses and justifications
I liked that home at first, but eventually I came to realize it was trap. I hope you’ve never been there.
I could live in it, and always feel like nothing was my fault. When I ran back to that house, I could close the windows and shut out the sound of the truths I didn’t want to hear. I could throw my own pity parties, and then feel badly treated when no one came by to wallow in my own self pity.
The terrible thing about that home was that I always felt justified and vindicated, which were terrible barriers to my growth and happiness.
There’s nothing more dangerous than the vindication of your own weaknesses.
Thankfully, after living there for too long, I came to realize what residing there was doing to me. And so I took the big step of trying to move into a better home. It was, and in some ways still is, very hard work. I’ve had to try to lay foundations of humility and honesty.
It turns out they are heavy burdens, but they make excellent stones upon which to build. The walls are coming together, with a combination of hard work, diligence and service. It takes a lot of bricks to build, but I am laying them time after time.
And slowly my house is coming together.
The roof is hopefully going to be shingled in a beautiful shade of service and giving. I’ve heard they can be difficult to carry up sometimes, and even more difficult to place properly.
But I’ve been assured by some very knowledgeable people that the end result will make me very happy. I’m trusting them, which is also what I’m making the windows out of, so I can see the best of humanity, rather than looking for the worst.
I try to live in my new emotional home as much as possible. It’s hard sometimes, and I find myself accidentally moving back into my old home for a little while. It is getting easier to move into my new home each time, and I find myself longing for my old home less frequently.
That’s not to say that everything is easier in my new home, in fact it’s far from it. It’s just that my new home makes me much happier in the long run, and so I’m building, day after day, until my new home is complete.
And I’m curious. Where is your emotional home?
— Dr. Alan Barnes
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