The Presiding Principles of Peace.
I’ve been meditating a lot this week on the concept of peace. Not the peace that is silence, although I crave that as well, but the peace that is the absence of conflict manifested in a stillness of a moment.
A timelessness that suffuses all with a calm, eternal and encompassing presence of balance. In my thoughts, I have come to realize that peace is available to me, if I will choose to accept it.
But I find it hard to make the changes necessary to accept peace, instead of finding peace.
Because the thoughts and feelings that deny my acceptance of peace are deep, and powerful within me, and they will not yield easily. I find myself struggling with the concept of faith, both as an abstract conceptualization, and also as a belief that things will work out ok.
In this I realize that I am fighting against the principle of non-control, which would allow me to release all interest in outcome, and simply be absorbed in the moment; finding joy in appreciating what is, rather than what I wish to be.
And control is one of my many emotional addictions.
I find myself constantly struggling against judgment, not necessarily of others, but more of myself. At a logical level, I understand that the act of judging is really an attempting at finding a sense of significance, and that this violates the principle of selflessness, which guides the peace seeker onto the path of humility and love.
I find myself possessed of a constant underlying self judgment that keeps me focused on myself, even though negatively, and moves me further away from a sense of peace when I follow the principle of selflessness.
And the judgment, rather than the acceptance, of self is something that I contend with constantly.
Living in opposition to the presiding principles of peace is not something that I do willingly, yet I am haunted by the possibility that the choice is one that I could make, if only I could work through the next presiding principle, which is courage.
I find that an interesting concept, that the choice to accept peace may be a courageous one, requiring a willingness to accept the balance of life as it currently stands, and not need or desire more.
As someone who grew up with less, I am haunted by a constant desire for more. It never rests, and so I get no rest.
And so if the presiding principles of peace are a willingness to believe, an ability to be humble, and the courage to accept life as it is, I ask myself why I cannot arrive at an emotional balance where these principles are a part of me.
What holds me back from this acceptance that could lighten my burdens, and release me from the shackles of my struggles and strife?
And I am forced to admit that the thing holding me back is a fear that in giving up my emotional addictions to control, to selfishness and to desire, I will be baptizing myself into an eternal feeling that I will never be enough.
And so I struggle to find peace on my terms, rather than to accept peace on life’s terms.
And I wonder if I am wise, or a fool.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
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