If that sounds kind of like I’m inviting narcissism, please forgive me, because I’m not. Yes, there are people in this world who are so self focused that they can’t see something from someone else’s point of view, but that is definitely not who I want you to become. Rather, I want you to find one the greatest strengths that you can ever have.
To get there though, you’ll need to go somewhere that you’ve never been before.
I’ve lived a while on this earth now, and I’ve tried to learn a lot about who we are, and how we can live more peaceful and more meaningful lives. I’ve come to realize that the majority of problems that I have come from one place, and one place only. I finally understood this when I figured out that it didn’t matter where I was, the same kind of problems travelled with me wherever I went.
It turned out that I carried them there, deep inside of me.
I’m not naturally somebody to has a lot of confidence. Arrogance, oh I had so much of that when I was younger. I remember being 12 years old and arguing with my dad’s best friend of the time about a subject that I knew honestly very little about, but it didn’t stop me from expressing my opinions with the utmost certainty that I was right.
But if you have any level of introspection available to you, arrogance can only last for so long.
Confidence though… confidence is harder to come by. Confidence only comes from actually having done something, and realizing you have a degree of competence in that. Once you have confidence, you can do a thing without fear, knowing that this is something you’ve done before. Confidence correctly applied can help you move through life with a significant absence of fear.
And if confidence is hard for you, fear can creep in to the dark places of your mind and paralyze you.
I also struggle with whatever it is that “self-esteem” looks like. Coming from a background where it was made very clear to me that my family had less than others, and that because of my struggles to lose weight I was somehow inferior, I still struggle to this day trying to believe that I am somebody who is worthwhile, who has a right to be happy and receive joy.
When you don’t think you deserve anything, it’s very hard to go after something that you want.
There is a wonderful African proverb that says if there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm. I’ve seen this in people who seem to have boundless confidence, and the ability to “fail” forwards without any regrets or self recrimination. I’ll admit to you that I’ve always been jealous of those people, and wished that I could have that kind of “superpower” for myself.
Yet it turns out that I can, if I’m willing to do the work for it.
To get there, I have to do the deep work of understanding and healing myself. The true measure of self acceptance is when we have looked deep into our own hearts, and made peace with whatever it is we find there. That’s a much more difficult process than it sounds, because we have so many things that can hold us back, such as ego, fear or ignorance.
But if we can work through those, what we can find may be truly amazing.
When you finally accept yourself for who you are, and realize that you have value just because you are you, then you can begin to move through the world differently. Your fear of the opinions of others lessens, your willingness to take chances and learn increases. When you can finally step into all that you are, holding nothing back, you’ll find out just how incredible you can be.
And when you find that for yourself, you want nothing more than to share that gift with everybody else.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings