There was this girl called Helen who I had a huge crush on when I was a kid.
I usually change the names of people who I write about in this work, but she’s many years gone and in a completely different continent, so I can use her real name with a fair degree of confidence that she’ll never see this.
I thought she was amazing, which she was, and would have given just about anything to have dated her.
Spoiler alert – she didn’t feel the same way about me.
But we did have a lot of conversations since we were in the same class at school, so along with thinking she was absolutely beautiful (which she was), I got find out just how wonderful her mind was (and it was). Yet one conversation sticks out, 35 years and thousands of miles later. She made one comment that at the time I hated, and yet now I am so grateful that she told me the truth.
“When you look at me, it feels like you are looking right through me”.
At the time, I felt like that was a terrible thing, and for many years I struggled with actually making eye contact with people for the fear that I was ‘staring right through them’. I’m sure that made me seem like I was aloof and kind of unfriendly towards people, which wasn’t my intention. It never struck me until years later that maybe, just maybe, Helen meant something a little different…
“When you look at me, it’s like you can see the real me”.
Believe me, it’s a blessing and a curse, this gift I have for understanding people. I hate how I can read someone’s history in an inflection, and see the pain in their soul when they glance away with a sad expression on their face. Sometimes it feels so invasive, and yet, it’s become the blessing that has allowed me to help people through their darkest feelings and find a light where there was only darkness.
And as much as I wish I could turn it off sometimes, there’s not a day that would wish to be without it.
Because if you could see people like I see people, I think you’d agree that humans beings are the most remarkable things. They’re caught between light and darkness, chaos and calm, and so many of them choose to be good. When faced with situations that would scare any rational creature to death, people show up with love, and kindness, and compassion.
They give of themselves in a way that leaves me breathless.
I have seen fathers full of fear and uncertainty reach down into their souls and comfort their child. I have seen mothers who are afraid of the responsibility find courage in the face of so much pressure, and find a way to come through in the moments where failure truly was not an option. I've seen humans of all walks of life show up in ways that overwhelm my soul.
You beautiful, beautiful people.
For all the death, chaos and sadness in the world, please believe me when I tell you that there is so much more good than bad in this world. So much of our civilization is only possible because of the incredible goodness that is present in the human spirit. There is so much light in the world because of people like you.
‘But wait’ you think… how does he know me?
And the truth is, I might not, but I know who you are. If you are someone reading this work… especially if you’ve been here for a while, then I know you, because I write these words for a very specific person. The type of person who is introspective, and willing to go deeper to understand their soul. The type of person who tries their best to be good, even when the world treats them in a way that is not.
But let me take it one level deeper.
Chances are that even now, or at some recent point in your life, you are or were the kind of person who would have told me that I was wrong when I said you were a good person, and would have tried to deflect some of my intention when I told you that I stand in awe of you (which I do). You might even have told me about someone who you thought was really the kind of person I was describing.
But I have this gift you see – it’s the ability to see people.
If this work resonates with you, then I know you. I know that you are aware of your faults and your failings, and you probably struggle sometimes to think good thoughts about yourself. I know that you are overwhelmed sometimes, and yet you get up each day trying to do your best.
So please understand me when I tell you this, because I mean it with every intention of my heart.
I see you, I know you, and you are good.
You are worthy of love, you are worthy of kindness, and you are worthy of loving yourself.
And if you think I’m wrong, I’m not. Trust me. I’m very, very good at this.
And I see you.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings