Who are you becoming?
I ask this because in every journey I’ve ever helped someone traverse, there’s a goal that they have. Yet in asking a lot of questions, I've found that most of the time people have a really good idea about what they don’t want, but they have more trouble defining what it is exactly that they do want.
So who are you becoming?
I’m guessing if you are reading this work, you’re probably on your own journey, even if you didn’t choose to start it. You’re probably clearer on the concept of what you are trying to leave behind, and kind of fuzzy on the details of where you want to end up. Which is ok, because just getting started is the most important part, but knowing where you want that next step to take you can save some painful detours along the way.
And yet, sometimes getting lost is the beginning of finding where you’re going to end up.
So maybe the best question to start you off with is ‘where are you now?’ Can you answer that clearly as it relates to how you feel about yourself, your relationships, your dreams and desires? My usual response to asking this of myself is ‘not where I want to be’, which sounds ok, but it’s actually a deflection. It lacks specificity, and in truth, I could give a much better answer.
But we like to avoid being specific, because sometimes getting detailed is painful.
So let me put it another way – if now never changed, and if things stood where they are for the rest of your life, would you be ok with that? Of course, you realize that nothing ever actually stays unchanged, because time is moving us forwards, but if your life, your relationships with others (and especially with yourself) never grew from where they are now, could you live with that?
Or would you face every day moving further and further into regret and sadness.
I’ll be very honest with you, and say that right now I’m moving into the period of the year where the very energy to change seems to be lacking. I hate winter, as both my body and my soul seem to crave nothing more than a blanket and a bed, and I find it harder to look towards the future with a sense of growth and optimism. Yet I realize that in the period where nature sleeps, I could be changing things for the better.
But I have to focus on what it is that I actually want that future to be.
And the definition of what I don’t want it to look like isn’t enough, because that locks me into a pathway where all I have to do is move a little to be not where I was, and then I can stop. I might not be as happy as I want to be, but I’m not as unhappy as I used to be.
Focusing on the negatives you want to avoid is a surefire trap to never achieving the positives that you actually desire.
And the truth is, today could be day one of a new creation for me, and for you, if we want it to be. Sure that might be difficult, and sometimes it requires more faith than I might seem to have right now, but if I put off that which I could start until tomorrow, I’m just pushing my eventual accomplishment just that further out.
And if I keep choosing tomorrow as my start date, eventually all those tomorrows will run out.
So today, I’m going to challenge you a little bit. You don’t have to share it with me (although you can message me with it if you want to), but I want you to get really specific on who it is you are becoming. Don’t just talk about who you don’t want to be, but get as detailed as you can on the person who your journey is leading you to becoming.
The more that description moves you, the more it will motivate you to become that person.
For now, I’ll share a little of mine. I’ve been writing this work for almost 5 years now, and in that time I've discovered a passion for helping people that astounds me as much as it thrills me. The person I want to become is the person who sits with you, and helps you find your own sense of peace, happiness and fulfillment. I’ve had some of the most incredible and amazing experiences doing this, and I hope to have many, many more.
I am creating the life for myself in which I am better able to serve you.
So I’ll ask you….. who are you becoming?
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings