Have you ever felt lost… not just in the geographical ‘where the hell am I’ sense, but in the deeper more profound ‘what am I doing with my life’ kind of way? After all, life really doesn’t come with a great deal of instructions.
Sure, there are people who will tell you how you should live your life, but in my experience they’re just people trying to follow what they’ve been taught, and they can’t handle the fact that you may find peace and happiness outside of what they understand.
Because make no mistake, peace and happiness is what we are all after.
But we’ve been fed so many lies about what it takes to find it, that many people are living with this existential dread that they are somehow ‘living life wrong’. They’re doing everything that they’ve been told should bring happiness, and yet in the deepest darkest corners of their souls, they know that they’re not happy, and they are not at peace. And they often have no idea of how to handle that.
Because they’ve been fed dogma and discipleship rather than wisdom and kindness.
I have a good friend who has a 21 year old daughter who is ‘struggling’, and can’t seem to find her path. I can see the frustration on the face of my friend as he desperately wants to help his daughter find her way in life, and yet I can tell you that this young woman is never going to find the answer that her father is looking for.
Because what she needs is not a pathway to find her peace in the future, but a way to heal the wounds and sadness she has from her past.
For this young woman, the concepts of a fulfilling job or career in the future is just not going to excite her. Sure she has many options open to her, but none of them will actually solve the problem that she has right now. As she struggles to heal from the trauma that occurred in her life a few years ago, she is seeking not success, or financial security, or a sense of accomplishment that comes with a college degree.
At a deep, emotional and honestly fairly subliminal level, this young woman is trying to find a way to emotionally breathe.
And none of the options being presented to her by life are helping, because she doesn’t even understand what the problem is. She’s being fed the same story by her family and her friends, that she needs to get a good job, because apparently security will solve her problems (which it won’t), and that at the tender young age of 21 she needs to have it all figured out.
Like who actually knows what they are born to be when they are 21 – I was 48 when I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life.
This young woman is being denied what she really needs, because the people around her either can’t or won’t recognize the problem that she’s really suffering from. I don’t think they are doing this intentionally with a full knowledge of what is going on, it’s just that they have been fed the same stories over and over until they don’t think about anything anymore.
The unexamined ‘truth’ is often more dangerous than the well meaning lie.
I titled this piece very specifically, because most of us are metaphorically drowning in a room full of air. Not because we need oxygen, but because what is in great supply around us is rarely what we really need. Instead of judgment and derision, we need the skills and the space (and sadly often the permission) to explore who we really are, and to find a way live authentically with what we really feel.
And most of all, we need people who can help us find a way to our own emotional home.
I’ve been very lucky in my life to have found a few people who have really planted their feet firmly on their own path. You’ll know they when you meet them, because they stand out through their kindness and their willingness to accept you exactly where and how you are, rather than judging you for who they believe you are not.
Because we all need the space to discover and find a way to live with who we are.
And that happens best with opportunities rather than instructions, and kindness rather than shame.
If you’re feeling lost, may I most humbly suggest that it may be because you haven’t spent enough time just listening to yourself. It’s a funny truth, but most of us can find our own way in the world when we learn to listen to, and make peace with, the very deepest voices in our souls.
May you find your own peace, and share it with this world that so desperately needs peacemakers, and those whose first instinct is kindness rather than fear.
I wish peace and wisdom for you today and every day.
And Always.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings