I knew I shouldn’t have tried to adjust my watch strap while sitting in my office at work. At home I have a proper watch sizing tool which would have made it so much easier, and probably taken a lot less time.
But undaunted, I grabbed a small screwdriver (although not small enough) and bent a paperclip and went about resizing the watchband.
I’m kind of handy like that, even when it’s not in my best interest.
In my attempt to resize the watchband, I managed to somehow disassemble the sizing pin, lose the spring inside the pin, lose the head of the pin and had to spend 15 minutes searching for those pieces and finally getting my watch back together.
When it finally clicked shut, I had the sensation that I had “accomplished something”, and it meant that I was going to have a good rest of the day.
And then I caught myself in my addiction.
As humans we like to see patterns in the universe. It gives us a sense of certainty, a way to predict the future.
For those of us who had childhoods with not much of certainty and way too much uncertainty, we have this tendency to like to see patterns in the universe, because it gives us a sense of control, a sense of being able to avoid pain, and even a sense of there being some order to the universe.
And that sense comforts us, and just reinforces our addiction.
In truth, fixing my watch band meant nothing for the rest of the day. Yes I was going to be happier, and that might account for a change in how I showed up, but realistically, this small accomplishment was not going to dramatically alter the plans the universe had for me today.
This was just my desire for certainty, or even just the hope of certainty, drawing me into finding meaning.
Which is a pretty human thing to do.
We like meaning. It can give us a sense of power or a sense of ‘rightness’. Meaning suggests to us that the time that we spend here on this earth has value, and that we ‘matter’.
As someone who often wondered if they mattered as a child (which speaks to significance), I tend to look for meaning as a way to feel better about myself.
I think most of us do that from time to time.
But an addiction to meaning can make the everyday struggles of life take on new meanings. I learned of a study that showed that children who had a greater connection to extended family (and had listened to their stories) had a tendency to view life’s struggles as just a part of life. In contrast, children who did not have strong connections to elderly relatives often saw their struggles as a reflection of their own inadequacies, or unworthiness.
The problems were essentially the same, but the meanings the children took from them were radically (and life changingly) different.
Taking this a step further, if you believe a certain thing (like you’re a bad person and deserve bad things) then you’ll find a meaning to support whatever you believe. If you give in to the addiction of finding meaning in everything, then you’ll learn to see what you want to support what you believe.
Instead of allowing reality to be, you’ll bend it to be what you want.
As someone who craves certainty, I have to constantly guard against drawing meaning where it doesn’t need to be. In doing so, I can learn to allow the universe to just unfold in the moment, finding joy, wonder and excitement in existence, rather than needing an outcome to fit my beliefs and needs.
The less needs you have, the more you see things as they really are.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings