Wednesday was a horrible day. The events on the national stage played a part, but there were also things closer to home that all seemed to correlate into one giant moment of ‘suck’.
When I went to sleep on Wednesday night I was questioning just about every aspect of my life, and trying to make sense of the changes that I feel are coming.
And it didn’t look good.
I’m on the borderlands of some pretty significant decisions, ones that have the power to shift the rest of my life in ways that seemed unthinkable just a few years ago. I find myself contemplating what once seemed unimaginable, and realizing that I may well be making choices that won’t make much sense to most people.
Such is the nature of life sometimes I guess.
So when I awoke on Thursday morning, it wasn’t with a happy heart. I rolled over to turn off my alarm, and saw an email from someone who I had never heard from before.
A very kind person who has found some enjoyment and introspection from this work took time out of their day to email me a really wonderful note, just thanking me, and offering me some encouragement.
And it nearly moved me to tears.
Because despite what it may seem like from my writing, I don’t feel like I have everything worked out. Most days it’s quite the opposite. I have made decisions in my life that I would give anything to change, and like most people, I struggle to find my place in the world.
I have times when I feel I can make a difference, and other times where I wonder if I can do anything right.
And some days where I don’t feel like I should do much of anything at all.
A little later in the day, a good friend reached out on Facebook to ask me if I would consider trying to help a friend of theirs. It seems like this person has tried so many avenues to find answers to their problems, and yet has come up empty time after time.
Out of their compassion and kindness, my friend felt like I might be able to help where no one else seems to have made a difference.
And she expressed to me some kind words about what she thought I could do.
Then later in the day I met with an old friend who is going through some difficult times. In the conversation that followed many tears were shed, and hopefully some progress was made. As she left, she told me that she truly felt like many years ago, when she first met me, that my words had ‘saved her life’, and she thanked me for being there for her.
And it was nice to feel like I had made a difference.
I don’t tell you any of this to brag, or to make you think that I am putting myself on a pedestal. I merely tell you because I honestly feel like today was one of those times where the universe actually noticed me, and was there for me with some encouragement when I was honestly questioning if the choice to move forward is the right one.
Three times some good I might have done in the world came back to me in a moment of worry, to give me some hope that there is something I can do to make a difference, and that there is some hope that I can be the person I want to be.
I think sometimes when we are walking through life, and the path ahead seems poorly lit, and we question just about every choice that we have made, that there are rare moments of light that come shining through, quietly and briefly.
You might only see the pathway for a moment, or maybe you just see that next step in front of you, but I do believe that sometimes, every once in a while, the Universe reaches out to say hello, and just remind you that you have value, and that things might work out ok.
And for that today, I am very thankful.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings