Afraid of Your Own Shadow.
I remember as a young child hearing that phrase. It was usually used to describe someone who for some reason was timid, or who didn’t live up to some ill-defined and misunderstood concept of what being ‘courageous’ was.
It was never meant kindly, nor respectfully. And yet, in my life, some of the bravest people I know are those who are afraid of their shadow.
And I mean that in both aspects.
Because there are some people, who have been so traumatized by the events of their life, that they are stuck in a perpetual hell of trying not to sustain further hurt and damage.
These are those who deserve our kindness, and our understanding, even when they can be difficult to be around, because every day they are forced to confront a world that seems nothing like kindness to them.
An then, there are others who are afraid of the shadow inside of them.
Because the shadow doesn’t have to mean darkness from outside. Carl Jung, the great psychologist, used the concept of ‘The Shadow’ to describe the darker aspects of our nature, the ones that if left unchecked can cause damage to ourselves, and devastation to those around us. Yet paradoxically, those shadow elements are also necessary to our long term survival.
Not having access to your internal shadow can leave you prey to those who have no control over their own.
For many years, I have suppressed some of the shadow elements of my soul. I did this out of a desire to blend in, and in realization that there were parts of my psyche that were not kind to others.
I thought I was being a good person, keeping all of that locked away inside of me, keeping others safe from my harsh words and unkind attitude.
And it was a foolish thing to do.
Because we can’t fully exist in life without bringing our shadow into our world, and taming it so that it can work with us. Too many people who have suffered some trauma as a child struggle to find a voice for themselves in the world, and in doing so become silent in the face of those who would mistreat them and use them cruelly and unkindly.
Locking away our shadow leaves us only half present to look after ourselves.
So over the last few months, I’ve been listening a little more to my shadow. When he tells me that someone is being unkind, I allow him to give me the strength to face that person calmly, rather than backing away out of fear of what would happen in my shadow got loose.
I’ve also allowed him to focus more on myself and my family, rather than feeling like I owed my presence and attention to the world.
That’s not to say that I’m being selfish, rather that I’m finding a balance between myself and everyone else.
And in allowing my shadow to work for me, although under careful control and regulation, I’m finding a greater understanding to the scripture that states that ‘A house divided against itself cannot stand’, because as I tried to be divided as a person, I had no solid foundation upon which to stand in the world.
As I work now to blend the darkness and the light within me, I find a greater strength and understanding as well as a truer sense of authenticity and integrity. And it’s helping me to become more of the person I have always wanted to be.
So now, even though I’m still somewhat afraid of my shadow, I am letting him help me in the areas that he can.
And it is making a difference.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings