What Do You Really Want?
Seriously for a moment, if I were to ask you in a quiet sincere question what you actually wanted, would you be able to tell me? I’m not talking in generalities, but getting really specific.
Most people struggle to define their desires in any kind of detailed way, and instead fall back on a few vague words to describe what they want out of life, and then look at me to see if the answer that they have given me is enough…
And I know then that we have some work to do.
Conversely, there are some people who know exactly what they want, and have not only a detailed, specific and precise image in their minds of what they want, but also have a plan to make it happen.
Yet what might surprise you is that both those with a clear idea and those with almost no idea at all are both on the same journey, and can arrive at their destination at the same time.
Because what they really want is only a few thoughts away.
When you get right down to it, what everyone really wants is to be happy. While that word can have different applications to different people, I’ve never talked to anyone who disagreed with that concept after a few minutes of discussion.
Yet the big difference is how we find happiness, and some of the crazy things we think we need to become happy.
Let me share an example from someone I know really well.
If you ask him what he wants, he can tell you very clearly that he wants a house in a certain mountain location, and another on the ocean, and he wants a plane to fly between the two. While that might sound crazy to you, it’s actually not as insane as it sounds, especially if this person were to overcome some of his issues and really dig deep with the talents he has been given.
But if you ask him why that would make him happy, the discussion changes from things to feelings.
If he’s being totally honest, he’ll tell you that part of the reason is that he loves both locations and the peace he feels there, and he loves the feeling of flying because of the joy he feels rushing over the land, seeing it from a different point of view.
But if you go really deep with him, he’ll probably admit to you that achieving this goal that seems so audacious will give him a sense of accomplishment, of achievement, and of worthiness.
Because he feels like he has to achieve something crazy to be good enough to be loved, and being loved is a part of his recipe for happiness.
And that’s where the crazy starts, but also where the magic begins.
All of us have our own recipe for what it will take for us to be happy. For some it’s a quiet home, for others they want a mansion. Some want a sports car that shows off their ability to earn and spend, while others want a car that just gets them from A to B.
Somewhere in our lives, we created this recipe to convince ourselves that we need to do, or be, or achieve a certain thing, and that will bring us happiness.
And our definition of the recipe is the description of our despair.
Because there are people who have next to nothing, and haven’t achieved very much at all, and yet are happy. There are also those who have achieved incredible things, purchased amazing houses and cars, and yet are still stuck in the throes of sadness, depression and despair.
I have found that your recipe for happiness is very much affected by the trauma that has traversed your soul, and your desires to heal the parts of you that do not feel whole.
But that healing can be achieved without needing anything, other than the ability to let go, and the trust that you will be ok if you do.
We live in an amazing world, where every day, every breath, is a blessing. When we can let go of all the justifications and hurts, all the imagined slights and needs, and just focus on the incredible life we have within us and around us, we can realize a sense of gratitude and happiness for the smallest things, the little moments, and the quietest sounds.
We can find happiness within, and spread joy without.
We just have to let go and see.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings