The Power of Naming Your Demons.
In ancient mythology, knowing the name of a demon gave you power over it. From summoning it, to controlling it, to dismissing it, all you had to know was its proper name, and you had it all.
I find it fascinating that it was language, just the simple use of words, that gave you power over something so powerful.
Because language is often the first thing we lose when we feel powerless.
I learned recently that this happens because during trauma, when we feel at our least powerful, the area of our brain that controls and directs language, called ‘Broca’s Area’ tends to function in a very low power state, essentially reducing our ability to describe our situation in a meaningful way.
I think this is also who we struggle sometimes to properly describe how we feel in a traumatic, painful situation.
Which leaves us no words to decode and re-frame the event later.
I don’t know how many times I’ve worked with people to properly describe the feelings that they have around something painful or shameful. I think a part of my purpose here is to help give words to those who are in pain, so that we may together allow them to experience healing. It’s an incredible thing to watch, and a humbling thing to be part of.
Because the words we think with control the truth of our lives.
Several years ago I worked with a client as she struggled, and I mean struggled, to improve the quality of her relationship with her mother. As we worked through several different and unique processes, we kept coming back to a point where she could only say ‘because I can’t disappoint my mom’.
That was where she was stuck at. This intelligent, kind and educated woman, who herself is very adept with language, was reduced to the words that could have been uttered by a 5 year old.
And she could go no further, as though her brain had just stopped working.
Which was a sign to me that in that moment, as we took her into her deepest fears, her brain was reliving some trauma, and all she could do was describe her fears with her eyes, her gestures, her increased heart rate, and her obvious discomfort.
It was a difficult thing to see, and obviously a much harder thing to feel. Finally, after some tears had been shed, we worked through the process of giving words to her emotions, and the effect was powerful.
Because once we gave a name to her demons, we could call them forth, and help her have power over them.
Because her fear of disappointing her mother really came down to a fear of being abandoned. I don’t think her mother was ever that type – but in the eyes of a 5 year old, a mother’s disappointment can easily be experienced as a rejection, and being rejected by the very person who keeps you safe from the world leaves you open to the possibility of being left alone, vulnerable and afraid.
And it was this trauma that was holding my client in its thrall, unable to speak its true name, and unable to grow past its limitations.
Once she was able to understand that she was safe, and that the fear was unreasonable, she began to grow forwards, and move beyond the blockage that was controlling her life.
Now, she has an incredibly close relationship with her mother, who never intended for her daughter to feel that way. It’s a wonderful thing to see.
And all possible because we gave words to her fears, names to her demons, and called them forth into the light.
If you find yourself controlled by fears that you cannot name, by things that you struggle to describe, I invite you today to sit quietly and comfortably, and try to find words that feel like they apply.
It might not be easy (I very much doubt it will) and it might be frustrating, but I promise you that being able to name the demons that control you is the first step on the path to overcoming them.
And finding your own joy in the light.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings