Solitary Refinement.
As a person who spends a lot of time working with other people, I sometimes find that it’s been a long while since I’ve had any time alone. Not just time spent in the car by myself, but actually having a few hours to spend without anyone else around.
Time to think, time to reflect, and time to try to make the changes in my mind and my soul that I feel are important.
Because we all have things about ourselves that we are working on, or should be.
But it’s hard to do that kind of work when someone else is around.
Even if it’s just my wife Holly or one of my sons in the house, there’s this psychological noise present that seems to block me from being able to fully relax, slow down, and listen to what my mind is saying (or screaming). It’s only when I am truly alone that I can begin to unravel the deeper mysteries of myself.
But solitude is only the first component.
Because you can sit quietly all day, and not make any significant breakthroughs if you’re not listening in the right way, or knowing what to listen for. Even then, once you’ve found something, how do you know what to do with it?
Every new understanding is merely a starting point for a new line of questions, but if you don’t know what to ask, the new knowledge is of limited value.
So let me share my process with you, and see if it has any use for you.
I start by sitting quietly, and just trying to hold myself in a place of peace. This is so much harder than it sounds, because almost immediately my mind will launch itself down a rabbit hole.
Once I have caught myself in that place, I try to ask myself why I am drawn here; what emotion is driving me to think in this direction. Is it fear, is it desire, is it anger, is it love?
It’s usually a combination of many things, but it’s better to start simple and follow one thing.
Suppose that I decide to examine the thought through the prism, or the lens, of fear. I ask myself what is it about this situation that I am afraid of? Is it physical pain, or an emotional one?
All fear is based on a wish to avoid pain, so I try to understand what about that thought can produce pain for me. Do I fear looking foolish (loss of significance) or of losing someone in my life (loss of connection)?
Or do I fear losing a portion of control over my life (loss of certainty).
When you start to analyze your thoughts through these type of prisms, or lenses, you begin to get a better idea of who you really are. You can start to see patterns of psychological dysfunction, uncover your limiting beliefs, see the cracks in your emotional foundation, and realize a pathway to peace based on a greater self awareness.
But all of this takes time, and a place of solitary refinement.
So today, I invite you to consider creating your own place of solitude, and beginning your practice of self awareness and healing.
I promise you that the more you are willing to go deeper into your soul, and discover and recover the truth of who you are, you will find an increase of calming and uplifting peace in your heart, and a greater willingness to share that peace with the world around you.
Because if we are going to heal our world, our countries, our cities and our homes, we have to start by healing our hearts, so that we might be able, in kindness, to heal another.
Until there is peace in every place, and the world will know joy.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings