Dark Points of Light.
I was 17 when I first got my heart broken. We had been dating for 18 months, and at one point we sort of got engaged (we were teenagers – what did we know). When it finally fell apart, as it was always going to do, I took it really hard.
To tell you how long I mourned over that breakup would be pretty embarrassing, but if I’m going to be honest with you, it was probably longer than we dated. She was my first serious girlfriend, and it hurt. A lot.
And at the time, I couldn’t see through the darkness I felt.
I felt very much the same approximately 21 years ago, when my oldest child was born. On what should have been a day of joy and rejoicing, when he was only a few hours old, we received news that he would require open heart surgery to correct a problem in the major vessels of his heart.
There’s no real way to explain how that feels, nor properly describe the enveloping darkness that reaches into your own heart at a time like that.
All I could focus on was how bad it could have been, and what could go wrong.
Over the years, there have been other events that were to rival these. Things that occurred that seemed to usher in a time in my life where everything light and wonderful had been taken from me, and darkness was all that was left.
Although they may not have been as direct as a break up or a life threatening condition, they were still things that left a dark indelible scar on my soul.
In the moment, they seemed to be the end of a dream, and the beginning of a nightmare.
But in hindsight, every time, it was actually something that was changing my path towards something better. The break up that hurt so bad at 17 prepared me for a few more breakups, that eventually led to meeting and marrying the wonderful woman I am privileged to call my wife today.
What looked liked incredible darkness was actually a dark point of light, illuminating a new pathway into my future. I just didn’t have the eyes to see it at that time.
The same was true at the birth of my son.
What I couldn’t see than was the incredible gratitude I would feel 2 weeks ago when he finished the Spartan Race. There were many competitors that day, but I don’t know if any of them have been through what he has, and still had the courage to run, and lift, and fight through it all.
What looked like darkness 21 years ago was in fact another dark point of light.
And this is what I try to remember anytime I find myself in a place where there it seems like the light has gone out, and the darkness is closing in.
I remember that even darkness has it’s uses, and that sometimes the choices we make when we can’t see are the choices we needed to make, but never would have if we could have seen them in the light.
Sometimes, not seeing too far ahead is the grace that allows us to move at all.
Today, I invite you to share your dark points of light, and what you learned and how you grew from them. I truly believe that the more we share our experiences with each other, the more we can uplift, edify and ennoble each other.
Until we all find ourselves in the perfect light of day
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings