Sometimes, the Answer is to Stop.
As someone who passionately believes and preaches self awareness, and tries to practice it as much as possible, I’m slowly coming to the realization that there are times when I need to stop.
Times when I need to feel rather than analyze, to rest rather than push through, to recover instead of fighting harder. My wife would probably tell you that I am somewhat obsessive in my desire to understand, and to help.
Both of which I am probably somewhat guilty.
But I’ve come to the realization recently that all of us, including me, have limits that we can’t push beyond without risking significant emotional damage. As someone who has taken an isolating sense of worth by pushing myself so hard, this comes as kind of a sad awakening.
I’ve always been able to force myself to another level before, go beyond what I thought was normal and possible, and took pride in my ability to function without sleep, without feeling, without stopping.
All of which, it turns out, was the wrong thing to do.
Because as someone who routinely tells patients to ‘get more sleep’, ‘be kind to yourself’ and ‘take time for yourself’, I’ve been very neglectful of the concept of self care when it has come to my own life.
I can’t tell you the last time I watched a movie without doing something else, like ironing, or writing, or planning. While that is a great use of time, I’m beginning to realize that I’ve actually been robbing myself of the emotional renewal that comes from being immersed in something that isn’t work, or helping someone.
One of the biggest dangers of this way of living is that you begin to lose a sense of identity for who you actually are.
You become engaged to process, to production, to learning and knowledge, and in doing so begin a slow process of divorce from your understanding of who you are. At some point you lose your sense of perspective in your career, your family and yourself.
And then you have to start finding your way back to who you are.
Which begins with an honest evaluation of where you are right now. Maybe your personal rituals (exercise, meditation, journaling) have been left at the roadside in your never ending desire to move faster.
Or maybe you’ve been sleeping shorter and shorter hours, trusting that you can ‘get all the sleep you need when you’re dead’.
Wherever you find yourself, you realize it’s time to begin to nourish your soul, so that you can find your way back to being who you are again.
So I’ve reached a point where I feel that I need to be more focused, but less busy; more present and less preoccupied; more protective of my soul and less destructive to myself.
In short, I need to give myself permission to care about myself as much as I do about others, and treat my needs as importantly as every else’s.
Because in the end, you can wear yourself out in the service of others, and find that you are too far gone to be of service to anyone anymore. It’s like they say on a plane, ‘put on your mask, and then put someone else’s on for them’.
So today I’m asking for your help, your thoughts, your feedback. What do you do to nourish your soul, and find your way back to who you are…
I’d be grateful for any advice you have to give.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings