Lost.
It’s a terrifying thing, to make a change big enough to rock your world. The decision is usually difficult enough, but once you’ve made that change, you have to deal with the fallout.
That’s bad enough if you know where you are going, but in my experience, sometimes the change that you make is just one of knowing that you have to be somewhere other than where you are right now.
So you make a move, and then things get ‘weird’.
Because without a firm destination, you become lost; adrift in a sea of a million possibilities, without direction, without understanding, and most of all, without anything that feels familiar.
It’s real easy to second guess yourself at the point, and start to question your judgment, your sanity, and most of all your purpose in making the change in the first place.
In the valley of the lost, the questions come fast, and they don’t come fair.
Second guessing ourselves is a terrible habit, because there’s no one better at judging all our mistakes than ourselves. We know our weaknesses, we know our faults. We know the hidden vanities and sadness that drive our decisions if we allow them.
So when things get weird, which they do when we’re lost, we tend to look over ourselves with a critical eye, and find a host of things to beat ourselves up over. We ask ourselves so many questions, trying to find a moment of security in an ocean of uncertainty.
And when you’re in the valley of the lost, the uncertainty drives so many self-defeating behaviors
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In my coaching work, I focus heavily on helping people find their ‘Why’. I do this because your ‘Why’ defines your directions, and ultimately your destinations. ‘Why’ helps you to know where you are going to end up, even if you don’t have a clue how you are going to get there.
It gives you a reason to set your feet on that journey, even when you’re not sure where you are supposed to place them next.
Being lost is often the first way-point on the way to your destination.
So the next time you find yourself lost after making a huge jump in your life, the first thing I would suggest is allowing yourself the freedom to make uncertain changes.
We’re so comfortable with certainty (one of our six human needs) that we can become angry with ourselves when we make a change that removes some of our certainty, exposing us to fear, potential ridicule, and that always lurking fear in the darkness…failure.
And our fear of failure is driven by a fear that we will not be loved if we make a mistake.
So if you can find a place for it the next time you make a change, allow yourself the kindness of grace.
Know that the change you have made might be taking you through the valley of the lost right now, but it may also lead you into a place where you feel at home, and happier than you have ever been.
The greatest journeys ever told usually start with someone having no idea what they were supposed to do next.
And then doing something anyway.
The greatest choices always start with a feeling of being lost, often being alone, and frequently with a plethora of self doubt. They only way to overcome these feelings is to move forward, further into the fear, deeper into the darkness, and find your way through into the new world that awaits you.
I can’t promise you an easy time, and I can’t promise you that it will always be fun.
But it will be authentically you, and that has a power all of its own.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings