The Danger of Disconnection.
Since the dawn of time, we humans have struggled to be connected to each other. Through participating in an intimate relationship, being a part of a family, competing as part of a team or identifying as part of a nation, most people seem to have an innate desire to be connected to somebody else.
It’s actually such a part of our makeup that people who lack that desire are identified as having a pathology.
For most of us, connection allows us to be vulnerable, and open up to others.
There’s probably nothing more important for the emotional health and well-being of a person than having someone who they can talk to. I don’t mean just at a surface level, but somebody who you can really go deep with, who you can share your deepest fears and darkest secrets with.
Because sometimes the words inside of our heads don’t match the reality of the world outside of it, but we’re so close to the problem that we can’t see it.
One of my favorite sayings is “you can’t read the label on your own jar”.
In case you hadn’t guessed from my writing, I’m one of those people that other people like to open up to. Sometimes it’s heartbreaking as a Chiropractor to have a patient come in to the office to get adjusted, and to realize that during the course of our time together that what they really need is someone to listen and make them feel heard, make them feel alive, make them feel human.
I sacrificed more than a few lunchtimes just listening.
Because there’s something incredibly validating about sitting down with somebody who is actually listening to you as a friend, as a partner or just as a human being. When somebody listens they are saying that we are worthy of being listened to, that we have value, that we have something to share and that our life has meaning.
Anyone who has been ignored repeatedly can tell you how brutally painful that can be, especially if it’s someone who claims to care about you.
The pain of that disconnection can sometimes be too much to bear.
Yet in all of the relationships that we have, that provide us the essence of connection, the greatest disconnect I find as I coach people is a profound, intense and heartbreaking disconnection with the truth of who we really are.
Some people live their whole lives never finding the truth of who they were born to be, and even more disheartening are those people who know, but are unable to put the pieces together to make it happen.
There’s nothing worse than knowing who you are supposed to be, and knowing that you are not.
So today I invite you to look at the relationships in your life, and see where you can strengthen, and see where you may need to build.
I know it can be scary, and I know it can be hard, but the way we build connections with others is simply by being authentic, approachable and kind.
Sometimes all we have to do is reach out to another while letting go of our fears.
Because all of us in our lives need a good friend. It’s not the quantity of your friendships that matter, but it’s the quality, the depth, the honesty and the connection.
Those are the things that make life worth living, and give us incredible moment of joy and happiness.
And can help us find who we really are.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings