I have said it and made it true.
Have you ever carried something inside of your mind for so long that it seemed perfectly normal, and perfectly real? A way of looking at the world that made sense as long as it was able to skulk around in the back of your soul, whispering half-truths of comfort and full lies of fear.
Darkness was its ally, silence its playground, and it feared only one thing, just one small thing.
The light of day.
I can’t tell you how many times a thought has found its way into my head and stayed there so long that it practically declared citizenship. Usually these are things that sound truthful by playing on our fears, and yet they slowly poison our sense of hope and our enjoyment of the many wonderful experiences and people that are around us.
Suborning our subconscious, it whispers to our weaknesses and dances in the darkness.
Until we bring it forwards into the light.
Because there’s something miraculous about writing or speaking all those things that lurk in the back of our minds.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had the experience of hearing yourself admit something you’ve been feeling, only to realize just how ridiculous it sounds when you speak it into reality.
There’s something about making it real in speech or in writing that forces your brain to look at it more closely, with deeper intensity and understanding.
And then you realize just how powerless it really was.
When I started this work 18 months ago I began with only a feeling, a tugging at my soul and a desire to shine a light into my subconscious and understand more about myself.
Had I known what I was starting, and realized the changes that this work would create in me, I would have been equally excited and scared at the prospect.
Because I have found a strange sense of peace as I have journeyed through my soul, and a greater appreciation for the wonder of our shared humanity.
I have come to understand so much more of who I am and why I think and behave the way I do. I have even found a begrudging sense of self acceptance and a quiet admiration of some of my attributes. As someone who grew up feeling pretty worthless, that’s kind of a strange sensation, but a welcome one.
And I have been humbled beyond belief and filled with gratitude for you, and the way you support this work.
Those of you who have liked and commented, those of you who have shared your stories, those of you who have messaged me your fears, and especially those of you who have reached out for help and been gracious and trusting enough to allow me the privilege of offering you some small measure of advice.
All of this began by writing thoughts out of my head, and making them real in the world.
Because once something becomes real, you can see whether it is good or not. You can take what works, and leave what doesn’t on the roadside.
Your journey will be easier, your days will be brighter, and you will find a greater measure of peace in your heart as you do a little pruning and weeding in the garden of your soul.
By bringing it into the light in deciding if it is good.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings