The Moment.
It’s funny how you can spend your whole life waiting for a moment to arrive, but when it does, you’re surprised by it.
Maybe you’ve dreamed about it, or prayed about it, or worked so hard to make it all possible. Maybe it just showed up out of the blue, without warning or understanding, and you’re left with a feeling like life will never, ever, be that same again.
And it never, ever will be.
Usually for me, these types of moments show up when a situation occurs that forces me to do something that I’ve been struggling to push myself to do.
Then the universe decides to align events to give me a helping hand, even though at the time it feels like the weight of the world dropping onto my shoulders, as the lights go out, the sirens go off and every pathway is blocked, except the one I have been desperately avoiding.
These moments are usually known as a divine storm, but when I’m in them, they can feel like the end of the world.
But sometimes it’s the other side of that equation. Sometimes it’s that magical moment where you feel the Lego blocks of the universe slide into place, and deep in your soul you hear that quiet profound ‘click’, and you see, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, how the pieces were always going to come together.
And your heart skips a beat, as you realize you have crossed a line, and moved into another time period in your life.
I had one of those yesterday evening. As I sat down to write today’s reflection, which was going to be something completely different, I felt that small shift in my soul that helped me realize a moment had just arrived. While it filled me with a sense of excitement, there was also a very healthy side of fear, nervousness, anxiety and dread.
Because this moment was the one where I knew I had to start becoming who I have been trying to be.
I think many of us have a knowledge of who are really are, deep in our hearts. We probably don’t think about it too often, because it’s kind of scary. To borrow a quote from Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us”.
Have you ever felt that way?
As I sat quietly in the time after that moment hit me, I heard all the usual statements running through my head. How I’m not good enough, not smart enough; how I’ll screw it up somehow; how people will laugh at me. How crazy I am to think that I have something to offer the world, and that anyone will take me seriously.
But this time, they are quieter. Still there, but in their own way less sure of themselves. I think even the voice of my subconscious felt the moment pass through me, and it’s not sure of what happens next. No one is. The only thing that is certain now is change, and uncertainty.
But that’s ok.
I have survived all the uncertain moments of my life up to this point and in some way they have been preparing me for this one. I managed to live through every change so far, even though some have hurt me deeply.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that my track record for surviving a moment in my life has been pretty good so far, so I’ll trust in that and move forwards.
And you know, your track record for surviving things is pretty good too.
What’s your next moment going to be?
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings