That Which Justifies your Judgments.
There’s an old saying that says that the best time to lie to someone is when they want to believe the lie, and unfortunately it’s true. We all have a tendency to believe words that align with that which we want to hear.
But did you know that there is another layer, deeper and even harder to separate out? One that left unchecked and unexamined can become a detriment to ourselves and to those around us.
Because we love to hear something that justifies our judgments of ourselves and others.
The longer I coach people, helping them find peace through self awareness and self actualization, the more convinced I become that the truth of how we feel about ourselves can be found in the judgments that we make, and in our reactions to one another.
Most of us to one degree or another determine our sense of worth, and our place in ‘the pack’ by the judgments we make when around other people.
And we love to have our opinions validated by information from the outside world.
So much so that we tend to turn off our ‘skeptic filters’ when it comes to information that we like. If you’ve spent any time on social media, you’ll see people posting poorly written and badly researched articles that prop up whatever position of belief they are feeling in the moment.
I’ve seen this in friends who are normally rational, kind and caring people, but who in support of their opinions will abandon a sense of calm and consideration in favor of a truth that justifies their judgments in the world.
Even when that ‘truth’ is so obviously false.
Yet this human failing of ours seems to be strongest when it comes to our judgments of ourselves. For it seems that in no other arena is our ability to judge so strong, and our willingness to believe that which supports our self judgments so absolute.
Especially if that which you are inclined to believe matches up with that which you have already decided about yourself.
Which is why many of us stay stuck for so long.
Frequently as I help people, we come across limiting beliefs that they have about themselves that stop them from moving forward in a direction that they would like to go. First we try to understand where that belief came from (usually in their childhood) and then we look at all the data that they rely on to support that belief.
And this is usually where the fun starts…
Because people will believe just about anything if it justifies them not facing their fears.
So we chip away at the foundations of their self judgments, and often there are tears of both laughter and pain as one more person finds that the truth about themselves is very different to what they were desperately holding on to.
As each supporting belief is examined with new eyes, from a place of loving support and encouragement, old beliefs fall away, and a new and uplifting opinion replaces an often dark and unforgiving one.
And another soul takes flight on wings of self love, self appreciation, and self healing.
So today, I invite you to begin to question all the things you believe about yourself, and see if you too have been clinging desperately to a falsehood that did not serve the you who you are becoming.
If you find there are beliefs that are uncomfortable to give up, then you can realize that these are the ones that require the greatest exploration.
For to know yourself, and find peace in yourself, you will have to find truth in yourself.
The good news is that the truth you find is often far better than the old lie that you were believing.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings