The You Who You Are Becoming.
Three years ago I began my transformation. On May 2nd, 2016 I weighed 330 pounds. 18 months later I would weigh-in at 185 pounds, having lost a total of 145 pounds in 18 months.
No medication, no surgery, minimal exercise. It was a combination of diet and mindset that helped me become somebody who was unrecognizable to my former self. At the end, I naively thought I had arrived at my new self.
Which just goes to show how you can achieve something amazing, and still be woefully misinformed.
Now I find myself facing my next transformation, or maybe just the next phase. When I was losing the weight, I had a goal of how I wanted to look, and how I want to feel.
I spent so much time visualizing myself at my goal weight, and imagining how wonderful it would feel to be able to buy clothes at a regular store, and wear something that I felt I actually looked good in.
And while I was right, it wasn’t enough.
Because if you want to make a real transformation, if you really want to change not just how you look but who you are, then you actually have to decide who you want to become.
It sounds simple, but in my work as a coach helping people transform into the person who they are becoming, I found that so many of us determine our identity by the things we have, and less by the behaviors and the emotional states that we aspire to.
But that’s where our real power lies, in our sense of identity.
I can guarantee there are things in your world that you would never do. Actions that would be such a violation of your own psychological identity that the mere thought of them makes you uncomfortable, and the actual performance of the behavior would emotionally destroy you.
The stronger your sense of identity, the more emotional energy you have to apply to any situation.
So if you want to transform, we have to understand and become the you who you aspire to be.
The more you strengthen your identity as to the person you want to be, the more you will find your actions and your emotions conforming to who that person is. If you desire more compassion, then the person you are becoming will understand how to act in a situation that requires compassion.
Likewise if you want to become a peacemaker, the person who you are becoming will be a person of peace both in themselves and in the world.
To be other than who they are would be a violation of who they are.
So if you want to change something, become familiar with the person on the other side of that change. Explore their mind, feel their thoughts, and let their energy emanate from you.
The more you identify as that person, the greater your power to make the changes in your life that that person has already made.
To hold yourself in the past is to remain the You who is trying to change. Being the You who is already changed, is to allow the future to pull you forwards beyond the now and into who you can become.
Don’t try, just be.
You will be surprised at who you can become.
Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings