None But The Power You Give Them.
I had a wonderful conversation with a good friend yesterday. As we talked, it became apparent that she was struggling mightily with deep feelings of sadness and loss.
Not for one who had died, but for the loss of a relationship. Not that the person had left, but their interactions had changed so that her place in the world was different, less certain, and with decreased freedom.
Yet her struggle was not with the other person – it was with herself.
She was trapped within a construct entirely conceptual, yet no less effective than had she been shackled and bound. The chains that held her ran deep, ringing to the sounds of duty versus selfishness, family versus identity, and kindness versus coercion.
She felt like her role in life had been circumscribed out of fate, and she could not see a pathway leading to her freedom from the prison in her mind.
Until I pointed out the many frailties of the arguments with which she bound herself.
As we talked, I gently challenged all of these beliefs and concepts, pointing out their flaws, and helping her to see where she was hurting herself out of a misguided but well-intentioned belief that she had to behave and act a certain way.
Partly she was ascribing wisdom to those who did not necessarily deserve it, and partly berating herself for feelings that were natural and just.
In a maelstrom of fractured meanings and misplaced intentions, she was giving away her freedom to live for herself out of a sense of loyalty to the morals of another, who may not have had her best interests at heart.
And as I helped her cross the threshold of uncertainty into a better understanding, she wept tears of pain for the loss of all that she had sacrificed, and for that which she was losing in her new found recognition of the choices she had made.
Make no mistake about it, coming to a full knowledge of yourself is no easy task. It can bring you to your knees, but it is your choice as to how long you stay there.
Because the truth is that our feelings, and our subsequent choices around and because of those feelings, only have as much power as we allow them.
One of the greatest truths I teach people as I set them free from themselves is that they can control themselves to a degree that they had hitherto found unimaginable, and withstand the most difficult feelings, by coming to understand where those feelings really come from, and then learning that their feelings are an experience in reality, not an expression of their soul.
And once you can see through the lies that you cling to as truths, you can become a person of decision, rather than a victim of deception.
Because your feelings have no power, other than that which you give unto them.
Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings