How do you stand?
There are times when life seems determined to crush you down. Where for some strange alignment of the universe, things just seem to coalesce into a catastrophic chaos.
There seems to be no way out, or forward or through, and you are left quietly screaming inside your mind as you try to understand how you got here, and where to go from here.
And it’s worse when it’s your own fault.
Because we all have our issues. Some we are completely unaware of, and we carry these through life without a conscious realization of the damage our issues cause. Some we are aware of, but we don’t know why we struggle with those beliefs or behaviors.
Some we know both the cause and the effect, and still find ourselves powerless to force ourselves into the actions that we know we need to take.
So we struggle, day to day.
Constantly trying to ‘fix’ that which we see wrong inside of us, making slow but noticeable progress, but all the time running from the things that haunt us. So we run until the threat appears to be over, and try to find the cure for ourselves in the space between the last threat and the next one. Searching for that peace which others seem to find, yet which eludes us in our desperation.
But here’s a little secret.
It’s true for everyone. Because when you are deep into your own problems, and the world feels like it’s crashing down upon you, there’s a tendency to think that no one else has problems, that their lives are perfect, and that you are the only person in the world who struggles. This comparison actually drags you further down into despair, making your journey back into joy and happiness that much harder.
While your situation may be specific to you, the pain and frustration are not – that’s universal.
Because almost everyone you meet is carrying their own history of trauma and attachment that creates pain and problems one way or another. Their story differs from yours in the details, but the theme of it is still the same.
Pain creates psychological pathology that presents in patterns that cause more pain. The greater the pain, the harder it is to come back from.
Unless you ask for help.
But our shame and our fears try stop us from reaching out through the darkness for the help that could make all the difference in our lives. The sense of shame that we are somehow solely responsible for our problems, even when we have tried our best to overcome our weaknesses. The fear that others will judge us for our failings and be as merciless to us as we are to ourselves.
Yeah, think that one through for a moment.
Because you’ve lived so long never giving yourself compassion that you cannot imagine you would receive it from anyone else. So you continue on in your lonely isolation, carrying the weight of your world, and never reaching out.
Reach out. There is compassion waiting for you. It may be hard to find, but it is there.
—Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings