Do What Brings You Peace.
People often come to me for advice. Partly as a coach, partly as a friend, partly as the author of this work. Often someone wants to know how they can change something in their life, and other times it’s for help in clarifying a choice that they have to make.
Those are often the most difficult, because when someone has a choice, it seems there is a never ending supply of people who have an opinion on the subject.
And I try very hard to avoid making the choice for them.
Instead I try to ask questions. I try to present options, and help people find clarity about what they feel about each of those choices. Once they have a clear picture of every option, and the principles and ramifications that are attached to each, we transition into a process where they make a choice as to the direction they want to move in.
That’s when I try very hard to make sure they choose what they want, and what they can live with.
I invite them to “Do what brings you peace”.
I think that’s the most profound advice I can offer. I know it sounds kind of generic, and almost like I am trying to avoid the specifics of their situation. But honestly, this one piece of advice is the most humble advice I can ever offer.
Because it means that I am respecting their humanity, their consciousness and their agency, despite whatever my feelings about the situation are.
And though it’s sometimes hard, I believe it’s the right thing to do.
Because so many times we are tempted to give advice based on what we think is the right answer. I have seen this in families, in couples, in parent-child relationships, and in friendships. We get so caught up in our own view of the world and how it should be, that we forget to honor the divine consciousness in the soul of someone else.
As one of my favorite authors once wrote… “Sin is when you start to treat people like objects”.
But if I am able to remove my wants, my needs, my sense of ‘justice’ and my view of the world from the situation, only then am I truly able to help someone achieve true clarity and find peace for themselves. And truthfully, I can think of nothing more selfish and dangerous that to ask someone else to live a certain way based on your own needs and/or expectations.
Because to ask someone to live according to your wants and needs is to demean their humanity to feed the exultation of your own. History is replete with the examples of the devastation that brings.
So the next time you receive advice, I invite you to ask yourself if that advice is given selfishly, or selflessly. You can tell the difference very simply. If the person giving you the advice wants you to choose what makes you happy, then you know they are truly balanced and at peace.
If their advice to you feeds their demons, then you’ll know who’s peace they really have in mind.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings