I will not be your mirror.
Twice in the last week I have unintentionally provoked someone to the point where they reacted to me with intensely negative emotions. Anger, rage, hatred and probably intense loathing.
The interesting factor in both occurrences was that I did not intentionally set out to cause this reaction, and to be honest the reactions that came out were a little surprising to me.
And I think my reactions were surprising to them.
In each situation I stayed very calm, and did not respond in kind. Maybe it was frustrating for them to have me act that way, I don’t know. But after having years of training in keeping myself controlled, I can withstand a fair amount of provocation and remain calm.
It also helped to realize that in each case, I really don’t think the person was really reacting to me. I think they were already angry, hurting, frustrated and desperate to release some of that painful negative energy, and I just happened to push the wrong button at the wrong time.
I was a convenient target, and so I got the brunt of their feelings. It happens. :)
The longer I work to help people, both as a Doctor and as a Coach. I am reminded time and time again that the person who is angry is in pain.
It may be physical, it may be emotional, and sometimes it is a combination of the two, but in all cases, when someone reacts with anger to a stimulus that was not directed at them, I can guarantee that their wounds are deep, painful and significant.
And it’s not about me.
The further I progress on my journey of peace through self awareness, I find that the more balanced and open I am with myself, the less I react to those around me. It is as if a quiet calm has suffused my soul, and I am able to see more clearly the reasons behind the painful reactions of others.
The hard part about this is that it requires me to extend the same level of understanding to others as I do to myself, and conversely the same level of understanding to myself as I do to others. I think the latter is actually more challenging.
But it is vital that I do the work for myself, so that I can be calm and not react to their intense reactions. Meeting anger with anger only serves to further isolate everyone, and perpetuate the painful patterns of existence that cause so much suffering in the world today.
In meeting anger with calm, hatred with love, rejection with acceptance and contention with compassion, I hope I can be a conduit to bring people to a greater knowledge of themselves, and find the calm stillness that they seem to be without.
There are so many people in this world who are hurting. I discover more and more of them each day, and sometimes I despair at the amount of work in front of us. Starting with ourselves and then sharing that light from within to others. One by one, moment to moment. Helping, loving, restoring, empowering.
I knew that healing the world wouldn’t be easy, but I hadn’t realized it could be so hard.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings